The Kriser Family

Current Status Report

2010-08-18T21:38:00.000-07:00

Ya know, it seemed like after mom died it was just one thing right after another and I was really struggling (to say the least). It felt like I couldn't see straight before something else came about to deal with (short sale of our house, unemployment, freaking scorpion sting) and my coping skills were virtually nonexsistent.

When I found out I was pregnat with Elizabeth, it seemed to spark some life into me and my will to survive life's tragedies kicked in. Then when she was born, ooooohhhh my little broken heart just over flowed with love. Of course I love all my children, but I think Elizabeth was hand picked by mom and sent to me now to help soothe my pain. I love having another girl!!!!!

The other kids are doing good and so much fun. All are growing faster than I would like but I am enjoying each of them and their unique personalities. They make me laugh every day and are worth every ounce of energy and work that is requries to keep up with their needs.

I went back to work part time as the bookkepper at the law office I used to work for. Getting out of the house is very nice (a bit like a vacation) but it definitely is a juggling act, that I am not sure I have perfected!? :-o

David started his own landscaping company last year (after being laid off) and it is growing, slowing but growing. We started with literally nothing but some money to buy equipment and a trailer so he has built it from the ground up. Our overhead is super low it's paying the rent, so that is enough for now. I also do the books and scheduling for the landscaping company (usually when everyone is in bed). Then, from time to time, I bring work home from the law office and write settlement demands too.

That's the long and short of life right now; very, very busy just trying to get by, keep up and be happy.

Emotionally, I do not feel like I am reconciled with the loss but I do feel like I have resolved to stop kicking and screaming about it and try to rebuild. The hurt is deep and constant, but honestly I've just learned how to stuff it down and cautiously trust The Lord ... sad but there are no answers that satisfy the questions. Every now and then it bubbles up and I have a good angry cry, then I put it away and go back to work. My testimony in Jesus Christ is being strengthened and I am holding on; maybe not always moving forward but holding on for dear life! I have found that the temple and the wildreness (camping) are the only places I really feel inner peace, so I try to frequent them as often as possible.

Mentally, I'm not gonna lie, I do require a little drug called Zoloft to help me get through day to day :-) and I'm okay with that. It's not forever, just for now.

Spiritually, like I said I am holding on. I do not understand the workings of The Lord but I am working to truly trust Him and allow His will to be done. Can't quit, I am responsible for teaching too many little ones the way back home. I have become increasingly grateful for the "smaller" things that are so often taken for granted, ~ like overall good health for myself, David and the kids ~ For the ability to create and bare children (apparently, as many as I want .... :o ) ~ For loving friends and family ~ For the blessing of living in the United States and for it's freedoms ~ For the miracle of the gospel of Jesus Christ and for being born to awesome parents ~ essentially the "basics" that previously I just didn't think about or perhaps even felt entitled to ...?

When I don't think about the pain, there is great joy. When I think about the pain, I feel gratitude for the "basics" and try to remember the joy.

I am especially grateful that we don't take our finances with us to heaven because holy cow we are a mess right now. This is something that a year ago would have been my undoing but now I just see it as life! Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose; hopefully, we learn something along the way.

First Day of School 10-11

2010-08-18T21:12:00.001-07:00

Ahhh, sweet little Jacob started kindergarden!

He was so excited and ready to be bigger.

Off to 1st grade for Noah!

He would prefer to just stay home with me ...

school? been there, done that, ..... last year!

Looking at this picture, I think to myself ... "I survived!"

There were literally times that I did not know how I was gonna make it

when these boys were little.

Being only 14 short months apart I was certain I would perish from fatigue or sleep deprivation!

Generally speaking, now they are great friends.

They love to wrestle and rough house together.

Watch out 5th grade cuz here she comes! ......

Lacey is an excellent student!

Really a dream come true for us as parents;

she is responsbile and does her homework without being asked.

She enjoys learning and loves to read.

I am so proud of the young woman she is becoming!

Oh and so beautiful too!!!

2010-08-18T20:23:00.000-07:00

Introducing ....

ELIZABETH MARJORIE KRISER

December 12, 2009

A few hours old .....

Sucking her thumb .....

Coming home from the hospital ....

Pics taken by our good friend Lexi Morris

(Her feet look kinda big here ....?)

Meeting her brothers and sister . . . .

Ammon was in complete ahhh; it's like he couldn't believe his eyes!

Jacob never wanted to stop holding her.

She is by far his favorite!!

Noah, checking out her fingers, toes and ears :-)

(Can't miss Ammon still poking her to see if she is real)

Finally! A sister for Lacey ....

She is such a great helper!

BLESSING DAY

FEB 2010

Daddy & Baby Girl

My Sweet, Precious, Adorable baby!

Can you feel the love?

My Girls!!!

My mom made this dress 14 years ago when Pennie's daughter Kelcie was blessed.

Priceless ....

She smiled for Lacey ....

Let the dress up begin ....

So FUN!

Melt my heart adorable ....

Hello, Bright eyes!

I love, love, love this picture!!!

I hope the are the best of friends.

I just can't get enough of this cute little girl. She is the best baby!
The kids regularly fight over who's "turn" it is to play with her.

2009-2010 Year in Review

2010-08-18T13:26:00.000-07:00

It appears as though blogging for me is an Annual Event; so without further delay, here is what we have been up to this past year:

{In October, a Fireman, Dragon and a Ninja knocked on our door asking for candy, ... they were so cute we decided to keep them :-}

{ Had a BABY! }

A little GIRL !!!!!!!!!!!!!

{ We Celebrated the birth of Jesus and opened presents from Old St. Nicholas }

{ Played a little Soccer . . . }

(So cute, Jake doing his stretches.)

Run, Run, RUN

[ This was Lacey's 3rd season, playing soccer.

She improved so much this season. It was very exciting watching her play!]

Goooooaaaaalllllllll

Let's just say Noah's heart wasn't in the game!

:-)

This is him "playing" soccer?!?

Huddle Up - GO TEAM!

{ Lacey entered the double digits and turned 10 }

{ She celebrated with friends at the roller skating rink. }

And cake and pizza at home.

{ We avoided the "issue" of Mother's Day by taking the kids to the

WildLife World Zoo}

{ We feed some animals .... }

{Rode the train .....}

{And pet the Sting Rays!}

{ Noah turned 6!}

Hurray! Chuck-E-Cheese ......

{Ammon growed up to "free" years old}

Next year the underwear shot will be way too inappropriate!

:-o

It has been a wonderful year watching our children grow and experiencing the true joys of life!

Just Doin' Some Yard Work

2009-11-14T08:34:00.001-08:00

See what I mean, the kid is stuck like glue to David.

4 years old!

2009-11-08T23:59:00.000-08:00

When your birthday is at the end of August and all your other siblings have already celebrated their birthday, the wait for your big day can be painful! Poor Jacob, his birthday finally came.

3 Things you must know about Jacob:

#1 - Orange is his favorite color; for everything!
#2 - Loves tools, fixing things, being a side kick to his dad and/or grandpa.
#3 - Believes super heros are real.

His orange tool cake, made by me :)

Since Diana had just moved into a house with a pool, we enjoyed a summer day in the sun with a pool party!

This is David launching the children across the pool.

A little pose with his friends; Dylan, Jacob, Noah, and Issac.

Chandler and Jacob (He was not told to strick a pose? That was his idea ... the leg up on the pool deck, really?)

"Play hard, Eat big" Jacob's moto

Finally PRESENTS!

Yeeeessssssssssssss!

Tools, tools and more tools! What will he fix first?

This one was so exciting he climbed up on the table :)

Donna & James got him the watch that he loves to play with at their house, in hopes that he would stop trying to steal it when we leave. :)

Jacob provides us with so much entertainment! He has a strong personality (like his father).

"I wish everyday could be my birthday!"

First Day of School 2009

2009-11-08T23:30:00.000-08:00

The weekend before school started, we moved from our Queen Creek home to a rental in Gilbert. As mom, I was determined to be "settled" before the big day; something David just didn't understand but loving submitted to my insistence that this was the way it "had" to be :)

Lacey, ready and anxious to start 4th grade at a new school.

Noah excited about kindergarten but will a very short attention span; not able to focus on looking at the camera long enough for me to get a good picture! :)

Ahh, 4th grade ... feeling very cool with her new glasses,

certain that the do indeed make her look smarter!

The backpack and lunch box were as exciting as the concept of going to school.

He refused to put his lunch box into his backpack, so excited to have one that he wanted to carry it at all times!

The preparation of the night before.

art of being "ready" for school is having pretty toes, so I pulled out all my nail stuff and gave Lacey a pedicure. Noah sat near by and patiently watched, then eagerly asked if it was his turn when Lacey was finished. :)

Embarrassed that the moment is being captured.

Perhaps he senses that this is gonna come back and haunt him one day...?

Not wanting to be left out, Jacob jumped in the chair and posed for a picture!

(It should be noted that no little boys received nail polish on their toenails!

Their feet were only cleaned, massaged and their toenails trimmed.)

This Is What Terrible 2's Look Like

2009-11-08T22:54:00.000-08:00

As summer rolled on at the Kriser home, the birthdays kept coming.
In July, Ammon joyfully began his 2nd year of life!

At this point of the day, the children were more excited than Ammon was about it being his "birthday" - perhaps it was due to been awaken by then screaming HAPPY BIRTHDAY at him.

Once he was awake and realized that this "birthday thing" involved presents, he was much more excited that it was his day.

He anxiously riped open his newspaper wrapped presents :) Taking each one to David for him to show him what it was!

Loves animals and the sounds that they make.

"Owwwww"

Everyone had a backpack but him and I think it is fair to say he coveted what his brothers and sister had because there were daily arguments over him taking their backpacks.

Let's go! I've got my pack-pack filled with all my birthday surprises!

No big party, just a simple puppy cake and a joyful rendition of Happy Birthday.

From 0-1, Ammon was my baby. When he was born, I was so deeply in love with him. I was thrilled at every opportunity to care for him and be his mommy. I was excited when he would wake up at night to eat, I just loved to love him. I felt like I had more appreciation for the miracle of life then I had ever before! Then when mom was killed, he was literally what kept me going. I couldn't wither away or find a hole to hide in, my baby needed me. Although, I must admit most of my care for him was in "auto mode" it kept me at least going through the motions.

Well, then he turned 1; started walking, talking and practically worshipping his daddy. My baby was mine no more!

During the day he would inquire where his daddy was, then argue with me that he wasn't working .... like I was hiding him or something! If David was home, Ammon was never far away. He loved to lay on his chest and sleep. Mainly, he just loved his daddy! This was effective in wrapping David tightly around is his littlest finger and making him the "favorite."

Noah Turns 5!

2009-11-08T22:11:00.000-08:00

Birthdays are much anticipated at our house and for Noah especially!

This boy loves his birthday and the celebrations that come with it.

For WEEKS he would ask me, almost daily, "Mom is today June 19th?"

Since he concept of time doesn't go much past yesterday, today or tomorrow, it was difficult to explain when exactly June 19th would come; so I would just tell him it was far away, in hopes that he would stop obsessing and asking me everyday.

Well he would then go to his hopeful Grandma Krisers' house who would assure him that his birthday wasn't that far away and that it would be here before he knew it! The cycle of asking "when" would then start over ......... Needless to say, when June 19th finally did come, I was excited :)

We celebrated at the "Dollar Theatre" watching Aliens vs Monsters, with counsins and friends.

My Monsters; Jacob & Noah :)

(They resemble their father's side)

The celebrations continued later that evening at Peter Piper Pizza with family and friends.
Here's Ammon, not caring why, just glad to be eating pizza!

Oh the fun that comes from a handful of tokens ....

Cousins, Spencer & Jacob, just going for a drive.

Noah intensely planing Whac Mole, with great hopes to win 50 tickets to buy a .10 cent prize. :)

Time for CAKE!

...... and Presents!!!

Noah is so sweet and joyful. He showed enthusiasm for every gift; small or large. He is so easily pleased. You may notice that every picture is somewhat blurry; that is because he was so excited he never stopped moving so I just kept snapping pictures!

David was certain that 5 yrs old was the ripe old age that a boy should receive his first 22 ... ?! Uhmmm for Noah or for David? You decide ...

"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Another successful birthday I can check off my - Mom Do List - !

Oh how I love Noah's sweet and tender spirit. Happy Birthday Noah.

Memorial Day

2009-06-06T10:03:00.001-07:00

Every year we go camping for Memorial Day. This year we went with my brother, James and his family. David's sister Rebecca and her family. Officer Ben Morris & family. And Braden & Cheri Moore & family. Here are some picture from our weekend.

Ammon & David relaxing in the hammock.
Enjoying the campfire.

My nephew Jay, chopping wood.

Cooper & Ammon, gathering empty bullet shells.

All of the kids LOVED the wagon.

Ammon relaxing in the shade, eating a go-gurt.

There were lots of beautiful butterflies. Noah & Savannah were butterfly hunters all weekend.

Noah's the "King of the Rock"

Ammon SO tired he can barely keep his eyes open

(in his favorite napping place, laying on his daddy's chest)

Seconds later, fast asleep ...

"Mommy! I'm awake, come get me."

David, giving Rebecca & Jacob a quad ride.

Dirty, dirty, dirty

Rain + Dirt = Mud

Mud + Ammon = Hours of dirty FUN

He used it as a slip-n-slide

The face that makes it all worth it :)

Play hard eat big!

Climb Noah, climb

When nature calls ...

Jacob & Ammon showing me their gun sticks

Jay shotting the bow

Jacob's turn ....

"We found a WORM!"

Noah was so excited, ... till Jacob stepped on it!

The kids chasing a lizard ...

Noah proudly showing his catch.

Let the shooting begin .....

Austin & Jacob

Noah covering his ears because it is too loud.

Never too young? .... that's Ammon

And Sweet Little Lacey

How did THIS happen? ....

2009-06-06T09:25:00.001-07:00

My neice, Kymberlee graduated from High School .... apparently, kids are graduating younger these days? She is the oldest grandchild, born just 16 days after my dad died in 1991. I loved babysitting her and talked about all the cute things she did nonstop to all my friends. Now she's all growed up.
I am so impressed by her. She has many talents and abilities. She plays the piano beautifully and is very creative.

Kymberlee and Robert, her dad

Kymberlee with my sis, Pennie and step-dad, Eldon

Great job sis, hope you took notes on how to raise a teenager .....

As My World Turns ...

2009-06-06T09:14:00.000-07:00

I know my posts have a tendency to be very heavy ... sorry, I'm working on that.

Here's my current self evaluation:

PHYSICALLY – Doing better than I expected at 11 weeks pregnant. In all of my previous pregnancy’s I felt the 1st Trimester gloom of symptoms for the first 12-14 weeks.

This time, we found out we were expecting @ 5 weeks, no real symptoms just the shock and surprise of discovering we are pregnant again.

Weeks 6, 7, & 8 were crappy! Constantly hungry, nothing I ate was satisfying, always sick after I ate, nauseas all day long, and felt like my body had been taken over by an alien.

Weeks 9 & 10 have been much better; mild nausea, satisfied as long as I don’t allow my stomach to become empty. So eating something about every 1 ½ hours.

Fatigue and exhaustion are usually overwhelming at this stage; ironically, with this pregnancy I haven’t been that tired. I’m actually getting up earlier and napping less … go figure!

MENTALLY – It is difficult for me to be alone, quiet times / moments are painful and anxious. I feel lonely and don’t know what to do with myself. Sometimes I feel like a stranger in my own skin. Where before quiet time to relax was relished, now I don’t do well if I don’t have the chaos of all my children around me, needing something every moment. I’m pretty used to Lacey being at school and her dad’s but I don’t like it when my boys are gone at David’s parents or playing somewhere. Even if just 1 of them is gone, there is not enough chaos to keep me clam. On the flip side of that, their chaos creates a constant tornado through my house leaving huge messes. My efforts to keep the house nice and somewhat orderly feel futile; which can be discouraging.

EMOTIONALLY – I am working on developing life coping skills. When I feel stress or anxiety and I have that “bad” feeling, it is a trigger in my mind that says “You know what else makes me feel bad? Losing my mom!” Then I begin to wish she was here and have to fight all of that emotion of not having her; leaves me feeling empty. So very quickly, stress and anxiety turn to grief work. I don’t know what to do with myself when I feel those bad feelings. I don’t know how to release that stress. It used to be as easy as a simple phone call to mom. She didn’t solve the problem, just listened and there was security because I knew she would help if I couldn’t handle it on my own. Well, there’s no more back-up and so I’m trying to develop the skills to make it on my own.

SPIRITUALLY – Struggling to truly Trust the Lord. I want to be humble and submissive to his will. I want to gain peace and calmness from the assurance that The Lord is in control; and sometimes I do, but it doesn’t come easily or automatically. First I have to silence that natural man voice in my head that screams the injustices of life; then I have to be very prayerful, constantly talking with The Lord about how I am feeling. I know that he is a just and merciful God. I know that he truly knows my needs and I have witnessed many tender mercies and blessings amongst the turmoil. Sometimes, I feel like I just endure … waiting for the turmoil to pass. Other times, I fight to become better to rise above and change my thinking. I’m not enjoying this journey of change and I hope that it will become normal soon.

GOALS:
- Live more,
- See and feel the joys in my life,
- Be present,
- Have fun with my children,
- Be trusting of The Lord,
- Feel whole
- Simplify

Noah's Pre-Kindergarten Graduation

2009-06-05T21:50:00.000-07:00

Noah made it through preschool and is so excited for the next step of Kindergarten.

He can not wait to go to "Lacey's school"

During the program, while all the other students were listening and participating, Noah was making funny faces at David. :)

He kept motioning for me to "take his picture"

FREE KITTENS

2009-05-29T18:54:00.001-07:00

6 Weeks old, eating solids and litter box trained! They must go, ... I am being overtaken by felines. They was 7 total, we have only given 1 away.

2009-04-15T23:03:00.001-07:00

On a lighter note, our cat had babies! Monday morning, Tabby had 6 sweet, adorable, precious little kittens. Okay, most would say that I’m not a pet person but I do love my cat and her having kitten has been fun. The kids are all very excited, even though it is too soon to hold or pet them. The next 6 weeks of watching them grow (until we give them all away) should be fun.

The Plague ...

2009-04-15T23:02:00.001-07:00

Basically, 2 weeks ago, our family came down with the plague; strep throat, bronchitis, sinus infections, and ear infections. It has been miserable! So many little ones needing love and comfort, when all I want is to be taken care of, loved and comforted. Presently, David, Noah, Jacob and Ammon are all improving. Lacey and I went to the doctor today for more remedies. I am hopeful that these new meds will do the trick and wipe this out. I cannot remember ever being this sick for this long.

Will Life Always Be This Hard?

2009-04-15T23:01:00.002-07:00

Lately, I have been pondering this question. Here’s what I mean, every day I must face how my life is different, everything is harder and I have to decide to accept it (instead of begging for it to be different) and live anyway. That requires so much energy … making the simple act of living hard. Will it always require this much work to live? Will I eventually just get really good at it … living, and so it will come naturally without requiring the energy and work? I don’t know, time will tell.

I'm Not Stuck

2009-04-15T23:01:00.001-07:00

Given all that I described in the last post, my hope was recently renewed when I realized that I’m not stuck. I am struggling, yes! And the journey right now is very difficult, but I’m not stuck. Many people experience these types of traumas in their life and it cripples them in a way that prevents them from excelling in life. They lose dreams and aspirations for more and become stuck; a product of the trauma. My hope is a direct result of the gospel truths. As I believe in and hope for many of the teaching of the gospel, I am given the strength to keep pushing forward. There is someone bigger and more powerful than anything else in this world watching over these events in my life. I do not know why this is the way it must be but I know God is overseeing; which if I believe that he is a loving God (and I try to) then this will be for my good. In other words, he will shape these events into something that will ultimately make me more and bring more to my life. Doesn’t make the suffering less, just makes the journey of suffering something that I want to overcome. At one point in my recovery, I remember feeling despair and having the distinct impressing that the adversary would love for me to be stuck. To stay in that place of hopelessness and despair; to stop fighting the daily darkness and just give in to it. I’m proud to say I haven’t. Yes, I am whining a lot along the way, I do not suffer well but I am still fighting to successfully complete this journey and ultimately live happily again.

From Unemployment to Self Employment

2009-04-15T22:59:00.000-07:00

Well in February, David was officially laid off and we reluctantly entered into unemployment. After consideration of our options, we decided to partner with my brother and start our own landscape company.
Our new company is called, Executive Landscape Specialists, LLC – specializing in landscape maintenance, weed control and clean ups. It has been an interesting journey so far; not great, not bad, just interesting … I think because I just never expected to have our own business. Prior to moms’ death, my world was safe and that’s the way I liked it. Now, nothing is safe and I find us doing things that I would have strongly resisted.
David has also applied for the Border Patrol. He has passed the written examination, oral interview, medical examination and physical fitness test. We’ve completed and submitted a 61 page background information application along with his fingerprint clearance cards. Now we wait, I really have no idea what we’re in for … whatever!?

In the meantime, I have begun doing work from home for the law office to supplement our income. I feel good to use the non-mommy side of my brain; makes me feel smart and acceptable. I have also started doing nails again. About 10 years ago, my nail lady taught me how but I was working full time at the law office and didn’t have the time to commit to perfecting the skill. Got this itch and started again; I have had lots of practice with all the young women around me J My nieces especially love it; they have been begging me to do nails again for years! Seriously not a money maker but feeds some desire to be creative. Feels good to just practice a skill … maybe I’m just making a mental inventory of what skills I do have?

Just some of the blessing during our chaos!

The Lastest Emotional Update

2009-04-15T22:55:00.000-07:00

While, I was on a really good stretch and felt like I was making strides; unfortunately, that beautiful flowery meadow was followed by more steep mountains waiting for me to climb.

Many times in the past 2 ½ months I have wondered if everyone has stopped praying for me at the same time because that peace and strength I was once feeling is gone, history, vanished.

I don’t know how I lost it or what I did to really get it in the first place. I feel like the first year was just complete and total mourning; crying, grieving, sadness, really just existing and passing time. Second year has been actually trying to live without moms support and love in my life. Yeah, it’s really hard! Like walking the tight rope without a net or playing a sport without a coach. Feel like such a child that still needs to be taught the best way to navigate through this journey of mortality but my teachers have been taken and I am left to figure out another way. Leaves me feeling angry a lot, not some place I stay but some place I am regularly digging out of.

Strength Beyond My Own

2009-01-03T22:59:00.000-08:00

The Lord is a Lord of miracles.

As I have gone through all the experiences that December has brought, I have been able to stand tall and feel strong. Those that have shared my journey of grief with me this past year, can understand why I call this a miracle. Not only have I faced and endured my own emotional milestones, but I have been available for others to share in their grief and offer comfort during their time of sorrow and pain.

Keith Alan McDermott

2009-01-03T22:41:00.000-08:00

David and I traveled to California for a Causey family Christmas party; when we arrived, we found out that a dear friend had passed away rather suddenly.

It was a distressing blow. This time last year, I was receiving comfort from Keith, after mom's passing ... I related acutely with his families suffering.

We extended our trip to stay for his funeral. It was a beautiful service that accuratley represented the respect and honor this man stood for.

Keith Alan McDermott

April 9, 1958 - December 19, 2008

It has been humbling to see The Lord's plan unfold before our eyes. Evidence that there is much work to do on the other side of the veil, for The Lord has taken another of his most valiant servants in his prime, for a great purpose beyond our mortal understanding.

In my youth, Florence McDermott was my Beehive advisor. She was very influencial in my life and the building of my testimony.
When my father passed away, they embraced me with love and helped soothe my pain. I often babysat their 4 aborable boys.
They remember me as the babysitter that made them watch Annie all the time. :)

Keith, embraced me like a daughter. Perhaps because he had all sons? He was always encouraging me and making me feel special.
A visit never passed without Keith pulling me aside and tell me how wonderful he thought I was, or how beautiful I am. It was an honor to be considered his pretend adopted daughter.
As I think about it, he probably did this with everyone. He had a special place in his heart for the youth and he wanted to lift all that he associated with.
This is a tremendous loss!

Keith was an LA County Police Officer for 25 years. At his services, there was a 25 motorcycle police brigade escort, in honor of the 25 years that he served as a police officer.
It was ahh stricking to see and feel the presents of these officer paying their respect to one of their own. He was so humble, I often forgot that he was an officer. He was never badge heavy.

On the way to the chapel. Traffic was stopped in all directions.

This was the largest funeral I have ever attended. This is a glimpse of the mobs of people that came to pay their respects.

The procession to the cemetry was even more impressive. It was a 40 minute freeway drive. It was one thing to see the officer stop traffic on the local streets. But on the freeway, it was just amazing to watch the officers so skillfully stop traffic ahead of us so that the procession could go on without interuption.

My soul aches for the pain his family is experiencing, as the learn to live again without their beloved husband and father.

He is loved and missed without measure!

Christmas 2008

2009-01-03T21:47:00.000-08:00

Christmas this year was simple and sweet. Opened presents, loaded up the car and drove to Utah!

Utah

2009-01-03T20:45:00.000-08:00

Our 1st white Christmas! In an effort to endure the holidays with the best possible emotional well being, we left town to visit my aunt and uncle in Utah. While we were there, we visited their ranch and went sledding. It was great family fun.

Lacey and her cousin Camilla

Dad and Jacob; our ninja, the dare devil of our family, did not enjoy the rush of sledding.

Mommy & Ammon

Ammon enjoyed just being held by his daddy!

Jacob doing what he enjoyed about the snow .... eating it!

Ahh, he's sharing the dirty snow with his brother.

What a good kid! :)

Then there was Noah. This boy loved the snow.

No hill was too big or steep; going up (lugging his sled) or slidding down he never complained,

he just loved every minute of it!

Noah with his cousin, Koby

Another memory making exerience!

More Heartache ...

2009-01-03T20:36:00.000-08:00

While in Utah, I received a disturbing message from one my bestest friends, Aubrey. Her mom had had a sudden heartache, Christmas night, and was in ICU on life support.

I was hundreds of miles away and feeling helpless. Aubrey and I have shared heartaches in the past and have often times been the life preserver that helped each other remain afloat. I believe that we are spirit sister, she was sent to me by Heavenly Father to help me endure this lifes adversity. Now, my sister was suffering just as I had suffered so traumatically 1 year and 11 days earlier.

Pamela did not survive the heart attack. Her daugthers and other family were by her side for 2 very long days until she quietly passed away in the early morning hours of December 28th.

We returned home from Utah on the 29th and attended her services on the 31st.
What an exhausting end to a very difficult 2008!

This road of grief sucks! It is so very difficult and often times feels like it is too much to bare.

Camping @ Refugio State Beach

2008-12-13T19:37:00.000-08:00

We went camping at Refugio State Beach in July last year. We were invited to go with the McDermott family, who has done this every year for forever (translation = many years). This was by far my kids best 2008 memory. They absolutely loved it! Noah is always asking when we can go back to the beach and the hotel (4th of July "getaway" to Mesa).

Keith & Ammon (barely walking)

Sometimes you've just gotta go ... right? (David wants me to hang this in their room :)

Noah rolling in the sand to get warm.

Riding Bikes

Sand Castle Time

Noah with his "girlfriend" Maddison, love connection at the beach

Lacey & Hanna (niece) boogie boarding

Jacob, rowing his little pool?

Playing in the sand.

Courtesy of David

Angels Among Us, by Simon Dewey

2008-12-12T21:34:00.000-08:00

Have you seen this?

I walked in to Seagull Book today and this picture stopped me in my tracks.

I was frozen as I just stood looking at it.

That's my mommy holding the little baby girl inside of me to soothe my pain.

If not for the $300 price tag, I would have walked out of the store with that picture.

Instead a rationally came home looked it up on the Internet and found a smaller print

with a more feasible price tag and ordered it.

I can't wait to hang this by my bed.

Merry Christmas to me. Thanks honey!

I love the present you don't even know yet that you bought me :)

Our Merry litte Christmas Tree

2008-12-12T21:30:00.000-08:00

This year, in order to get through the holidays, I am keeping it simple. Presents, parties, decorations and yes the Christmas Tree.

So I purchased a little fiber-optic table top tree that I didn't have to decorate and I could literally throw away after Christmas if I didn't want to deal with it. My children were thrilled to have a Christmas Tree up, despite its small size and lack of dazzle.

If you look closely you can see it's sparkly :)

Well come to find out, when they very excitedly showed their Christmas tree to "Grandma Barbara" they explained to her that their tree was little because they were growing it! So basically they believe that this little artificial fiber-optic Christmas tree is something we have harvested to grow into a great big Christmas tree by Christmas! :)

I don't have the heart too "correct" them. I'm just hoping that when Christmas comes they will be so distracted by presents that they will not take note that their little tree failed to grow.

In Honor of Mom, I Will Be Better

2008-12-12T21:25:00.001-08:00

This morning, I sent this email to my siblings. I am sharing it with you because perhaps you will be inspired by Marjorie H. Weeks to become better as well.

"Mom was such an excellent example to everyone; especially us, her child, that had the privilege of interacting with her regularly and knowing her so personally. She taught us how to be good people, to be honest and hardworking. She taught us to love, one another and others, despite their weaknesses. She taught us that family is priority. She taught us that parenting is difficult but rewarding. She taught us that Jesus Christ is our Savior & Redeemer that he suffering all that we may have the opportunity to return to live with our Eternal Father in Heaven; together as families with joy immeasurable and peace eternally. She was passionate and emotional about her testimony.

Mom also taught us that we should always be striving to improve ourselves. She did this daily. In honor of that profound example that she set, this year on the anniversary of her death, I will reflect upon my life and what I could or should be doing better and make a commitment in my heart to select something I would like to improve about myself. While we should be striving everyday like she did, this will be a special and very personal commitment that I will work to improve."

We all grieve and are able to handle things differently; so I don’t know what your plans are for next Wednesday. I am going to spend most the day at the temple, free from the burdens of life and surrounded by love. Later that evening, I would like to go to the cemetery. If anyone else would like to meet there that would be wonderful; family soothes. Perhaps we can light some candles or something as we remember her?

We are so lucky to have had her love and example. She has given us the tools, know we must find them and use them. I love you all!

Acceptance ... Timeline

2008-12-12T20:15:00.000-08:00

Frequently, my grief work has been interrupted as I have questioned whether my grief was accepted by others. For example, I have worried that others may be thinking or feeling; "Why can't Angel just accept that her mom is gone and more on?" "It's been a year, is she ever gonna let this go and live again?" "She knows that she will see her again, why is she still such a mess?"

Now whether this is true, a product of my own distorted thoughts or an influence of the Adversary. In my mind, I then begin to formulate a timeline and evaluate where I'm not at yet and why. This is toxic and unproductive. I quit concentrating on the present and how I can overcome today and begin focusing on why I am not further progressed.

Then, in an answer to prayer, because I had been praying with discouragement about why I was where I was and not where I wanted to be, I received this answer. It has really only been 6 short very rocky months that we have had to work on our grief. The first 5 months (12/17/07 - 5/28/08) was devastation, shock, numbness, death, as we faced and pursued the criminal proceedings. Trauma, Trauma, Trauma as we uncovered all the details of the accident that took moms life.

After the sentencing, (5/29/08 - 12/12/08) has been interrupted by difficulties with Bruce's boy regarding the estate. This seemed to upset me as much as the criminal proceedings because their actions questioned and/or undervalued my relationship with mom which was equally devastating. First someone kills her, then these idiots have the nerve to minimize her significance to us or our significance t her!?! This made my head spin with emotion, leaving me feeling out of control. The emotions dictated my days; whether it was one where I could fight the despair or one in which I could not and would just agonize in grief and pain.

That being said and considering the ever quickly approaching anniversary of her death and Christmas, I am satisfied with my level or amount of recovery. I work and fight everyday to get better or improve. I am striving to create a new normal and to redefine life without the person who continually feed me acceptance, always and unconditionally.

For Better or For WORSE .....

2008-12-12T20:02:00.000-08:00

At some point early during this year I recall having a conversation with my husband concerning the loss of mom and the affects that it has had on me. Feeling appreciation for his patience and long suffering for me and my grieving, I turned to him and sad "I'm sorry! This isn't what you signed on for!" To which he casually replied, "Yes it is! I agreed to the better and the worst!"

Over the past several months, that casual statement has really been put to the test as David has carried the burdens so that I can mourn. He has had to do more, give more and learn to be tender with my fragile heart. He has loved me when I have felt so unlovable. The wife that he had on 12/16/07 is no more and he has had to watch every painful step of recovery as his "new" wife is created. Honestly, I don't know how he maintains his hope, when the end is so far away it is not even in sight?

While mom was living, she was impressed with David's love for me. She was proud of him for loving me so deeply the way she desired for me to be loved. She loved him for the man that he was, for his determination and hard work. She respected him for the testimony he held sacred and was able to love him from the inside out; soul -- weaknesses. She appreciated that he allowed her to be close in our lives. She felt accepted and wanted by him. It was a blossoming relationship.

It is interesting and wonderful to feel the development of our relationship, as our trust and commitment to one another has been deepened through this adversity.

Halloween

2008-12-12T19:47:00.000-08:00

My Little Goblins ....

Ammon the Lion

Lacey the Nice Witch

Spiderman Jacob & Noah the Clown

Everyone LOVED trick-or-treating! "Walking around and getting free candy ... could this be real?" Just having difficulty explaining in little people language why we can't trick-or-treat every night!

Hello Again!

2008-09-19T00:30:00.000-07:00

Ya know when you feel overwhelmed because you have so much to do you don't even know where to start? Well, that's how I feel about blogging right now. I haven't blogged in so long (like 3 months) I'm conflicted with whether I should go backwards and catch up or just start from today .....? I've decided to do a little of both!

Here's what I would have blogged about but didn't:
Ammon's 1st Birthday
Vacation- Camping @ the Beach
Jacob's 3rd Birthday
Noah & Jacob begin preschool
Lacey's begins 3rd Grade
Counseling
Girls Weekend

Eventually, I hope to get to blog about each of these .... when is the only question. Ya see, I really don't like blogging for the 1 reason that I am not creative by nature. I can be creative but it takes me a long time and I just don't have extra time laying around waiting to be used. If there is a moment of "me time" I'm working on my grief work or doing what I can to self soothe through the difficult days.

3rd Grade

2008-09-19T00:00:00.004-07:00

My sweet Lacey started 3rd grade! Okay, I remember when I was in 3rd grade, how is it possible that I now have a child in 3rd grade? Am I really that old? When did that happen?

Hurray for Preschool!

2008-09-19T00:00:00.003-07:00

Several monthly ago, I went round and round with the decision of whether to put the boys in preschool. For some reason I felt guilty that I would be paying someone else to teach my children when that was my job. Well because I have so many other jobs and quite frankly they were just driving me crazy, I signed them up! Can I just say, I love it! It's only 2 1/2 hours a day and they don't go on the same days (there are in different classes) but they are stimulated and excited to have something so important to do :)

Jacob could hardly wait for the day to come! That morning, he joyously ate his breakfast and packed his "backpack" (really just a lunch box) for school. After taking his picture, he gave me a big goodbye and walked out the door .... only problem, I was driving him to school. When I explained that he wasn't being picked up by carpool (like Lacey) and that mommy had to take him to school, he said okay but I don't want you to go to school with me though. Yeah, I could tell we were on the verge of some real seperation anxiety .... he could wait to get away from me and be the big boy. In fact, when we got to school he didn't want me to walk him to the door. Really?!

Noah was equally excited about school and had been anticipating this day for so long. He was happy to allow me to drive him to school and went in without looking back. When I picked him up, the first words out of his mouth, as I fired him with questions about his day, was "Mommy! It's just a house!" You see, their preschool is at the home of a lady in our ward. Well, he was expecting a school "like the one Lacey and Oliver go to!" So now at least once a week I explain to him that he can't go to Lacey's school until next year when he is 5 years old.

Mom's Headstone

2008-09-19T00:00:00.002-07:00

While another one of the tediously painful tasks of bearing a loved one is completed. Mom's headstone is in and has been placed. It was of course very difficult to go and see. I sat and talked to her for a bit .... but mainly just baffled at the fact I was sitting at my mom's grave.

How Am I?

2008-09-19T00:00:00.001-07:00

I know that many of you have used the blog as a way to keep tabs on me and I love you for it. Since I haven't been blogging I have received emails and text messages inquiring on my emotional well being.

I love my new counselor! From the first session, I have felt very soothed by her. She challenges me to journal my feelings and get to the real source of various questions or pain. I have learned that Grief requires WORK and Trauma is not something you get over, it is something you work through! I love that, because I was becoming so discouraged with the amount of time that had passed and the depth of pain that still plagued me. I think I expected that after sufficient time had passed, I would wake up one day and be okay or reconciled with my grief. This is CLEARLY not the case. The more time that passes the more devestated I am with the reality that she is not coming back. (Yes people, deep down inside I am still hoping for her to come back. I know the Lord has the ability, why not?)

I also have come to believe that by doing my grief work, I will eventually adjust to a new normal and be reconciled with my loss. Recovery for me is to come back to life on the inside and look forward to living in the future. This "end" has been so far out of sight for me that I didn't believe it exsisted. Now I am trying to not focus on when I will get to that point or the fact that despite the work and pain, I am still not there. Just trying to focus on the present. How am I today? What are my needs, self care? Only look at the next 3 or 4 steps I need to take.

I still cry nearly everyday and I am always 1 feeling away from tears but I am learning how to cope with these feelings better and have had days where I see rays of sunshine.

This entire year, I have often struggled with the thought, "Where is my faith?" I have the knowledge of the gospel, I know where she is, yet I am still so completely shattered?! Do I even have faith? When one Sunday during Releif Society, the spirit whispered to my heart, that my fight to recover from my grief, came from my faith. Without faith in a Loving God and the Great Plan of Salvation, I would not be fighting the daily despair. Quite literally I would have died from the pain; either by the taking of my own life (know that is heavy) or by just giving up and self medicating with substance to "treat" the pain.

The reality is, my mother was emotional there for me during various trauma's throughout my life (death of my father, divorce, sin) and many, many joyous occasions (my temple sealing, the birth of my children, annual women retreats, holidays) this bond and relationship was created over the better part of 30 years! It's gonna take lots of time to adjust to that new normal; I just have to allow myself that time.

Martha's Hands & Mary's Heart

2008-08-27T12:47:00.000-07:00

I must have the hands of Martha; Hands that scrub and cook and sew;
I can have the heart of Mary while I do these things, you know;
Though my hands are in the dishpan, this soul of mine can soar;
And in thoughts sublime and lofty go right up to heaven's door.

I must cook, oh endless dinners, for dear ones have to eat;
But my soul need not be cooking --It can sit at Jesus' feet!
Help me, God, while doing duties, against which my soul rebels;
Meekly still to peel potatoes, but not to grovel in the shells.
Grant me, God, 'mid things prosaic, Ere to choose the better part;
Grant that while I must be "Martha", I can have a "Mary" heart.

Author Unknown

Tribute To The Greatest Woman I Ever Knew & The Best Mommy I Could Ask For

2008-07-15T23:26:00.000-07:00

Did a Whole Year Really Pass Already?

2008-07-15T14:06:00.000-07:00

I made this video after he was born ... it still makes me cry!

"5 Years of Wedded Bliss"

2008-07-15T13:26:00.001-07:00

When David and I meet, I was recently divorce with a young daughter. While I was not opposed to another relation and hoped that someday I would marry again, I did not understand how those things would come about. Between working full time, fulfilling my church calling in the Primary Presidency of my Family ward and caring for the needs of my young daughter who was adjusting to all this change in her life. Needless to say, I did not have many opportunities to meet new people.
In response to these feelings, I half joking told the Lord that if he wanted me to marry again he was going to have to drop him on my doorstep.
Essentially that is what he did, David was my neighbor; he lived 2 doors down. We had been neighbors for almost a year before we had any interest for one another. I later found out that David had been praying for an "Angel" . . .

We were married in July of 03 giving new meaning to the command “Thou Shalt Love Thy Neighbor.”
Lacey was 3 years old when we were married; 11 months later, we welcomed Noah; 14 short months later we received Jacob and 22 months following that our sweet Ammon came into our home. Apparently, we are in a hurry?
At 5 years, we still have much love and passion for one another! This has been a difficult year and in some ways has put our marriage to the test, but it has also brought us closer than we have ever been before. He has truly exceeded my expectations, I love him eternally!

Anywhere But Home ...

2008-07-15T12:58:00.000-07:00

We had made plans to go on a multi-family camping trip over the 4th of July weekend; however, due to the price of gas and the lack of resources, the trip was canceled. Desperate get away from my "work" I insisted (more like begged) to do something where we didn't have to be home. So, we rented rooms at the Mesa Hilton with the Earlywines! It was fairly inexpensive and just what I needed; sorrounded by family and away from home.

We made a fort for the kids to watch their movies in.
Jacob & Noah relaxing, watching a movie, before bed time!

Macy Earlywine showing off her cute little swim suit.
Jacob ... playing with Ammon's water toys!
Daddy and Ammon
Big Boy Noah swimming with his Super Man swimming suit on.

Noah the Sea Monster .. Thanks Oliver :)
Olvier, Dave and Lacey - splish, splashing
Hanna and Little Boy - She has become quite the little babysitter!
Ammon cuddling with his Daddy

Jacob flying from bed to bed ...
Jacob's crash landing

Noah's turn to jump and leap!
A near miss but he made it.
Oh yeah, didn't think that I would miss the opportunty to jump on hotel beds? According to Noah, this was the Pocohantas jump

(ya know when she dives off the rocks in the beginning?)

We could see the fireworks from our "balcony"

(it was really more like a window ledge)

This was the best of both worlds; beautiful fireworks, great seats and air conditioning!

Some of the show ...

It was great to get away and be with family! Thanks honey for accomodating my "requests!" :)

I Love 4 Years Old!

2008-07-14T21:00:00.001-07:00

Joy does not accurately describe the feelings of my heart when Noah was born. For I was so happy not to be pregnant anymore! I got very big and the last 6 weeks before I delivered was so difficult; but he was well worth the suffering. I have never seen David so happy; his baby boy, his son. When he was born, David took him in his arms, looked into his eyes and named him on the spot. Noah was not a name that we had discussed. He was going to be Hyrum James Kriser.

The date of his birth was bittersweet. You see that was the date (6/19/91) my father died 13 years earlier. It had always been a sad day in my life. A day I remembered and felt the pain of not having my father on this earth anymore. Now it was a joyous and happy day. Perhaps it was his grandfather that sent him on that day as a message for me to not be so sad?
David continued to be enamored by him. They were buds from day one. Noah loved to sleep on David's chest and snuggle with him. Having Noah was better than David could have every imagined. My heart swelled with love for both of them when I saw them together. David would hold Noah on his forearm facing outward and Noah would go right to sleep.
He was a fairly easy baby. I got to know his different cries quickly, could translate what he wanted and soothe him easily. No real complications, although he did develop thrush, which made nursing very painful!
Believe it or not, this is Noah at 4 weeks. He changed so much!
Noah was instantly independent and oh so active! He began crawling at 6 months. (I’m not talking army crawling or scooting but hands and knees crawling.) From then, he never stopped. I was a bit taken back by how busy he was; always discovering. Lacey was much more passive and less curious. Noah was ALL boy. I could not stay a step ahead of him; I was unable to predict what his next move would be . . . David would have to explain to me that that was what boys did. At 8 months, he was pulling himself up to the bathtub and flipping into it. He loved the bath and always wanted to get in it. I really had to watch him on this one.
He potty trained at 2 years and 7 months, because I was yet again pregnant (with Ammon) and nauseas; changing diapers for both Noah AND Jacob was too much! I literally wore a medical mask over my nose and mouth because it made me so sick. In an attempt to brib him to go #2 in the potty I asked him what he wanted; donuts, candy, money .... his response was "A Birthday Party!" We had several birthday parties with balloons, cake and candles before he got the hang of it! :) Whatever works!
Noah began walking at 10 months and by that time I was pretty pregnant with Jacob so carrying him was difficult. No problem, cuz he mastered walking and enjoyed the even greater freedom he had because of it.

By age 2 he was lots and lots of work; out to discover life to the fullest. He taught me so many things I never learned from Lacey; like locks and necessity to baby proof. If I told Lacey not to touch something she didn’t. If I told Noah not to touch something he thought that meant just not to touch it while I was looking.
Jacob was born when Noah was 14 months old. Noah loved him instantly and tolerated the fact that he required so much of his mommy. Good thing Noah loved his daddy so much because David had to do lots more to help; because my hands were full!

Birthday Fun, the boy loves to party!
Animals are so exciting to Noah; all animals, any animals – especially elephants. He is fasinated by sharks and crocodiles. He loves playing with trains and riding his big boy bike.
Christmas 2006
In our ultrasound of Noah when I was pregnant, he was sucking his thumb and shortly after birth he found it again. For a few weeks I made attempts to take it out of his mouth and try to prevent him from sucking it, but he would find it in at night and suck away. By 2 months (8 weeks) he was a regular thumb sucker when he was tired or needed comfort. It was soooooooooooo cute. (He successfully stopped sucking his thumb with the aid of a thumb guard in February '08.)

He is a picky eater and hates vegetables (anything green)! He is in love with "his" Grandma Kriser and can't go more than a week without spending time with her. He is her "Grand Darling."
Noah has the BEST excited reactions to things. It doesn't take much for him to screech in delight about something he finds exciting. He is grateful and easy to please!
He is learning the importance of telling the truth, which is difficult because "Jacob did it!" is so automatic! Thanks to the Leap Frog Letter Factory movie, Noah recognizes almost all of his letters and knows theirs sound.
Snuggling with his daddy!

Noah likes to sleep in our bed … ever since I told him the story of Goldie Locks and the 3 Bears, his bed is "too hard," Jacob’s bed is "too soft" and our bed is “just right!” Needless to say, he starts out in his room and usually ends up on our floor before morning. When David leaves for work, he is quick to sneak into bed with me.

He is truly a JOY!

Happy 4th Birthday Day Noah!

So Sweet!

2008-07-08T00:44:00.000-07:00

My Noah is very loving at bedtime and enjoys cuddling and rubbing your ears (it's a fetish). Anyway, last night Noah was snuggling in bed with David and I, when he turned to me and said "Mommy, I just love you. I want to marry you." It was melt my heart cute. Then David started tickling him and responds with "Hey that's my wife I already married her" and Noah told him "Find your own girl."

We All Know They Grow So Fast .....

2008-07-08T00:28:00.000-07:00

One thing that I have been continually praying for is to be able to enjoy my children. Sometimes, they are just so much work I feel like I am just enduring them and not really enjoying them. I have prayed to be able to learn how to play with and love them and yet not neglect responsiblies; to be able to judge which responsiblities were really important and which were optional or could wait. I have made this and studing the gospel my focus; And I have to say I am really loving my kids. Everyday, I am amazed by things that they say and do! They shower me with love and affection and make me feel so needed. I can see them say or do things that I have taught them and that makes me feel small moments of success. I am thankful for the answer to this simple prayer.

Family Home Evening Success

2008-07-07T23:40:00.000-07:00

At church yesterday, my Lacey got up and bore her testimony. She did a great job and I was very proud of her. It also set the example for her brothers, who then wanted to get up and bear their testimonies, only problem; they didn't know what to say.... so tonight we decided to have Family Home Evening be about Testimonies. The Earlywines were over for dinner, so they stayed and we had FHE together. I set up a fake podium, equip with a step stool and microphone. We talked about what testimonies are and why we share them. Then we gave everyone the opportunity to practice their testimony amongst family where it is a little less intimidating. The little kids jumped at the chance to talk in the microphone and we taught how to bear testimony, then the older kids participated and ultimately, the parents did also. It was a great family night where we had fun and taught our children gospel principles.

Jacob was kind of a heavy breather and liked to lick the microphone ... at times it was hard to be reverent while listening to him. :)

Noah needed some help at first but then became very confident and did great!
Macy was not the least bit embarassed or shy and only needed a little bit of help as well.
Hanna was a bit hesitant, feeling kind of akward even though it is just family, but once she decided to get up she was able bear her testimony without any assistance! Awesome Hanna!
Oliver was like an old pro ... he also did a great job bearing testimony of the things he has learned to be true about the gospel and Jesus Christ.

Dave shared his testimony about the Atonement and his gratitude that he didn't have to be perfect. But that he just had to do his best and repent of his sins.
I bore testimony of the Resurrection and our Premortal Existence.
David bore testimony about the Preisthood and the way we can use it to help us in our lives.
Diana bore testimony of Tithing and expressed gratitude for the blessing that she has received as a result of being a full tithe payer.

(The microphone was a hit, if anyone wants to borrow it for their own testimony FHE, just let me know.)

He Found A "Nut"

2008-07-07T23:11:00.000-07:00

Saturday night, Noah picked up a sliced lemon from off the counter and was thrilled to find a "nut" inside! It went something like this .....

Noah: "Mom! A nut, a nut! I found a nut in this lemon!"

Me: "A Nut? Let me see." .... "Oh, you found a seed."

Noah: "Yeah, I need to plant it and grow you some lemonade!"

Here is Noah, planting his lemon nut (in our garden) to grow me some lemonade!

It was too cute and he was way to excited for me to explain to him that that is not exactly how it works! What are the chances that he will forget?

Prayer Request

2008-07-03T03:16:00.000-07:00

To everyone who is checking this blog to see how I am doing, Thank You ... but Bruce (mom's husband) is the one in need of prayers. He is enduring well, but it is just so heartbreaking to see him suffer. He is living alone, in Mesa at a "house" (i use that term very loosely) he owns, which has no air conditioning. He is constantly working in his junk yard, garage or "house" moving stuff around trying to feel productive but all in all he is lonely and bored. He's can't drive ... we all try to do our part to check on him, occupy his time and let him know that we love him but inevitably there are still silent times when the reality of this tragedy stabs him in the heart. I believe that faithful prayers calling upon the Powers of Heaven can truly be used to accomplish miracles, please use your faith to help soothe his aching heart and reduce his suffering.

Word to Describe Me (Jul 3 - Jul 9)

2008-07-03T02:44:00.000-07:00

????? - I really don't know. I am still enduring, kinda conflicted, emotional but not overcome .... thinking maybe I need to go back to the MD to evaluate meds and to the therapist to understand my feelings. Enjoying my kids and studing the words of our Prophets.

Last Day of 2nd Grade

2008-07-03T02:41:00.000-07:00

Well, despite the year's events, somehow we made it through the school year? Thank you to all my silent helpers that picked up my slack and filled in when necessary. Lacey did fabulous in 2nd grade! She is a superstar at math and has excelled with her reading. I am so proud of her study habits and hard work. She is such a wonderful daughter; I am lucky to be her mommy!

At this point, the camera is handed over the Lacey to capture her memories from Mrs. Wright's 2nd Grade Class. Hope she's not interested in pursuing photography?

(Hey, it's 3am and I don't care that the picture is turned. I'm just glad to have it posted :)
This is Lacey with her best bud, Joelle! They have been in every class since kindergarten together.

This is Ms. Liz, teachers' assistant, for Mrs. Wright. She loves Lacey, says she reminds her of herself when she was young. Carefree and social!

SUMMER FUN

2008-07-03T01:57:00.000-07:00

I love summertime! I don't love suffocating heat but I do love the feel of no school, no routine, no homework, no lunches or snacks or schedules just play. So right now, my house is basically a free for all! To add to the fun, Diana and I, decided to purchase a large inflatable waterslide for the kids to play on ............ Love It!

Here is David being a superstar and setting up the slide.

Here's David saying, "Why do you have your camera?" :)

And away they go !!!!!!!!!!
Noah instantly loved it!
Jacob was a little hesitant, so his Dad helped him a little .... by throwing him over!
No really, he likes it ... eventually, without Dad's "help" he did caught on and got the hang of it.
I promise, if you kids come over to play I will not let my husband do this. (sorry Jodi .. and Chandler)
Since we set up the slide last week, they have played outside on it for hours! I love to see them having so much fun AND getting out all that energy!

Call me, bring your kids over, it is great fun!
Nothing like a hard day of playing!

Ahhhhhhhhhh, Ammon No!

2008-07-03T01:48:00.000-07:00

Monday last week, there was a moment when the house had that it's too quiet to be good feel, so I walked upstairs to find that Ammon had found his own sand box!?! Teach me not to let him play outside with his siblings!

"What MoM? It's fun!"

So gross and a huge MESS! What can I say, I'm "Mother of The Year"

Word to Describe Me (Jun 25 - July 2)

2008-06-24T21:46:00.000-07:00

ENDURING - In some ways, I am just getting used to experiencing severe emotional thunderstorms every few weeks. During those times, I just kinda withdraw, take cover and hold on tight while I wait for the storm to pass. Not much anyone can do, no words to soothe, no magic medicine just lots of reading, studying and praying. Typically, I am not experiencing feelings of hopelessness just deep deep sorrow and desperation for further knowledge and spiritual understanding. My efforts have not been futile, I do feel that my understanding of spiritual things has increased and I am feeling the promptings of the Holy Ghost. My heart and mind are slowly being opened .... as I humble strive to submit my will to the Lord.

During my absence ....

2008-06-24T21:37:00.000-07:00

Well, I know that my faithful blogging sister have been checking my blog trying to watch over me and make sure I was doing okay .... only to find that I haven't posted in 3 weeks! I was searching myself for a word to describe me and couldn't come up with one .... just really not able to articulate how or what I was feeling. Definitely relieved to have the criminal proceedings over but feeling unjustified to continue riding out that calm feeling. Felt conflicted and emotional about what to do next ... can't say that I have found the answers but the storm has calmed and my emotional state is brighter, so I am pushing on.

Can I Play?

2008-06-06T00:41:00.000-07:00

If you've been around me at all, you know that I don't want my baby to grow up. I need him to stay little but he just keeps getting bigger.

This week, he has began standing with "no hands" in the middle of the floor AND this morning he flipped himself out of his crib! (Fortunately there was still room to lower the matress.)

Here he is looking out the back door watching the kids play, screaming at them to let him come play too!

Word to Describe Me (Jun 5 - Jun 11)

2008-06-05T17:42:00.000-07:00

Calm - Just trying to ride out the relieved feeling from last week ... avoiding stress or worry. Really being kinda lazy (If it is possible to be lazy while raising 4 children?) though I have made dinner 3 of the last 4 days. Regardless of what you call it, the days have involved napping and watching movies.

Birthday Celebration

2008-06-05T12:30:00.000-07:00

Today was David Earlywine & Taylor Eaton's Birthday so we went out to eat at Texas Roadhouse. Here they are with their balloon hats posing for a picture ... praying this doesn't end up on my blog! Sorry folks .... you're just too cute! :)

Here's Taylor wishing she was dead instead of being embarrassed beyond repair!

And Dave wishing he was a Cowboy!

Reflections of Christ

2008-06-04T23:52:00.000-07:00

If you haven't seen this video, I highly recommend watching it. This was an exhibit at the Mesa Temple's Visitors Center. I was able to see it and cried .... a lot! Love the Angels and the Music ...

http://mabrystudios.typepad.com/reflections_of_christ/2008/03/reflections-sli.html

Things That Comfort Me

2008-06-01T17:32:00.000-07:00

1. Quiet time with my husband
2. Hearing testimonies of Jesus Christ
3. Vacuumed floors
4. Reading; Life Everlasting, Glimpes From Eternity, Mom's Journal, Scriptures
5. Ice Cream Cones
6. Dreaming about Mom
7. El Rico's Mexican Food
8. Clean Sheets
9. Sleep
10. Hot Bath (without kids)
11. Music

Word to Describe Me (May 28 - Jun 4)

2008-05-30T17:23:00.000-07:00

Relieved - The sentencing is over! The court battle portion of this nightmare is behind us. Our lives have been consumed with it's details, as we have attended every court proceeding and fulfilled anything and everything we could do to be proactive in the case. I will say it paid off in the end. Thank you to all of you who helped me get there.

Tribune Article

2008-05-30T16:51:00.000-07:00

The sentencing was published in the Tribune today ... here is the link if you want to check it out.
http://copshop.freedomblogging.com/2008/05/30/man-sentenced-in-fatal-crash/

Sentencing; State vs Cruz - May 28, 2008

2008-05-28T15:27:00.000-07:00

Wednesday morning, we attended the sentencing for Efrain Vicente-Cruz, the individual responsible for taken my mother's life.

Preparation for the sentencing had been ongoing since the beginning, but particularly in the past 3 weeks as we have been collecting letters, reviewing what we wanted the judge to know about mom, meeting with court representatives, reviewing the accident details, ordering photographs, putting together a DVD presentation (THANKS Nikki!) and putting together a written statement of our loss. It has been quite consuming and often left me feeling sad and depressed.

Once at the sentencing, in the following order, we addressed the judge; David Kriser, Eldon Lewis, Pennie Lewis, James Causey, Shilo Causey, Joe Causey, Angel Kriser, Bob Weber and Bruce Weeks. It was very touching, everyone poured their hearts. The courts bailiff was obviously touched and was continuously wiping away the tears.

Next, we watched the DVD presentation. Then the judge heard from the defendant’s family and friends (3 people). Finally, the attorneys spouted some legal mumbo jumbo and the defendant was given the opportunity to address the court. Following the defendant's plea for mercy and forgiveness, the judge ordered the defendant serve the maximum sentence of 14 years in prison for his crime.

This was my plea to the judge:

Good Morning Your Honor, my name is Angel Kriser, I am Marjorie’s youngest child, her baby.

This morning I would like to share something’s about my mother; she was the mother of 4 and the grandmother of 16. She was a widow and had remarried 9 years ago. She had an associated degree and was a certified paralegal. She completed her education while working full time and raising her 2 youngest children (myself and my brother Joe). She enjoyed reading, sewing, gardening, watching Wheel of Fortune and spending time with family.

My mother taught us that family is the most important priority, she taught us responsibility, honesty, charity, independence, integrity. She taught us how to make decisions and how to work. She taught us consequences. She was the ultimately example of how to be a parent by making time for your children, letting them be little and working hands on with them to teach them.

Simply put, I don’t know how to live without my mother. She was my rock and I leaned on her for support often. She was a silence source of strength in my life. Her existence offered me security and comfort. She was a trusted friend, someone I enjoyed spending time with and whose advice I respected. She was my teacher, my example for who I wanted to become like.
For the past year and a half, mom was also my neighbor. It was wonderful, like a dream to have her so close and to be able see her so frequently. Now is stare across the street at her empty house and cry …

She was my only living parent. My father passed away from illness 17 years ago. The little girl inside me clung to her. She absorbed my pain and heartaches. The pain is so intense it hurts to breath. This has left me totally shattered on the inside. Physically I am weak and frail. I have lost a tremendous amount of weight and continue to do so. I am under the care of a physician, a therapist and am taking antidepressant medication.

I am the mother of 4 small children; ages 8, 3, 2 & 10 months; I am only able to meet their basic needs. They are suffering from the loss of their grandmother and the emotional loss of their mother. I ache more when I see that they are suffering and I am not able to care for them as I once did.

Without her we have lost so much of our family history. She was the only living among my parents and grandparents and though I have heard some stories of their childhood, lives and history in general, I am left only wishing that I would have asked to hear more about them and written down these stories.

When mom was diagnosed with Cancer in 2003 and we were faced with the possibility of losing her I refused to think of it because the thought of life without her was unbearable, so we fought, as hard as we could we fought for her to live. She underwent treatment for a year. The side effects of chemotherapy and radiation were terrible, but she survived and had a clean bill of health.

The timing of this tragedy made it even more difficult. Mom was killed 8 days before Christmas and was laid to rest on my husband’s birthday. For 4 months, my mother & I had been planning a surprise birthday party for him. Instead of a surprise party we had her viewing.

As a family and a community, we are left devastated and shaking our heads asking the question, Why? This was a tragedy, a preventable tragedy that resulted from careless choices. Pursuant to the interviews that the Detective had with Mr. Cruz, he had traveled to Queen Creek for work that Monday morning. Once he arrived he was informed that there was no work and so he made the choice to hang out and drink with a friend. He drove to the liquid store and made the choice to purchase alcohol; he parked and made the choice to then drink the alcohol with his friend. He further made the choice to drink so much alcohol that he became intoxicated, 3 times the legal limit. When he was finished having a good time, he made the choice to drive himself home. Once on the road and clearly unfit to drive, he made the choice to continue his travels and endanger those around him. Ultimately, he’s choices resulting in the taking of my mother’s life.

So I pose the question what choice did my mother have? What choices do we get? My husband had the choice of whether to tell me the devastating news over the telephone or in person. My sister and I had the choice of whether we wanted to see her mangled body and dress her for her funeral. My brothers had the choice as to whether they wanted to carry their mother’s casket. As a family we had a choice of what we wanted her headstone to look like.

This was more than a mistake or an error. This was not an accident. He intentionally and willfully became intoxicated and then endanger the lives of others by getting in his vehicle and attempting to drive home when he knew he was a danger. Perhaps he did not set out to kill my mother, but by drinking to excess and casually driving, he knew or should have known that it was a reality.

So what then are the consequences for his choices? He has taken a human life, the most valuable gift of life it’s self. There is no restitution, she is gone and though we have poured out our hearts and pleaded with the Lord, we cannot recall her. His choices have altered our lives and the lives of our children. Its affect will reach generations that will never know her goodness, her love, or her pure heart.

Perhaps he is sorry for his choices? Perhaps he feels regret? No one will feel sorry for or regret his choices more than us her family that live each day physically aching for her in our lives. Every day, every event, every holiday that is spent without her is painful. Physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually painful!

I will not refer to justice for I do not believe that that will occur today for his suffering will never equal ours. His punishment will never fit his crime. We do not seek revenge or vengeance, we seek accountability and consequences for his choices.

We are God loving, forgiving people. We know that for true healing and recovery, ultimately we must forgive and leave it in the Lord’s hands. However, there is a difference between forgiveness and consequences. Forgiveness is to pardon his careless choices. Consequences are the penalty or cost of his actions.

At this time, I respectfully request that the court order the consequence for his actions to be the maximum sentence of 14 years punishment.

Thank you for your time.

Thrill Seekers .....

2008-05-27T17:19:00.000-07:00

Already at 3 & 2, Noah & Jacob love to do things that make me pee my pants! Here is Noah with David and Jacob on the quad (Jacob is sandwiched inbetweeen). You may think that because they are so young David was just taking them on a leisurely ride? Wrong! My husband's not capable this is them racing by me.

Our own little "Curly Sam"

2008-05-27T17:06:00.000-07:00

He is the only one of my children to have curly hair ... it is so cute! Now it is growing a bit out of control but David won't let me cut it until after his first birthday ...

Memorial Day Camping Trip

2008-05-27T16:06:00.000-07:00

Desperate to get out of town for the long weekend before the sentencing, David planned a multi-family camping trip with the Earlywines', Eaton's and the Boyce's. Mind you, with the exception of the last 2 camping trips, I am not a big camping fan. Always seemed to be more work than fun? But for me, anywhere was better than being at home this weekend and spending time anticipating the sentencing on Wednesday ...

It began with rain, progressed to snow then cleared up to beautiful sunny skies. Boy was it COLD the first 2 days ... burr! Ultimatley, I would say it was the best camping trip that we have had. Lots of food, relaxation, campfire talk, quad riding, hiking, walks down to the creek and for me reading.

God Bless America

2008-05-26T17:34:00.000-07:00

Pucker Up

2008-05-26T17:02:00.000-07:00

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, he gives kisses! In these pictures, David is bribing him with strawberries ... cheating I know but he does it without the bribe also!

Tabby Kitty

2008-05-26T16:57:00.000-07:00

Our baby kitty has been lots of fun. Here she is curled up inside Jacob's hat ...

Ammon's Pearly White

2008-05-26T16:46:00.000-07:00

2 weeks ago, Ammon cut tooth #1 & tooth #2 - Here he is with his new pearly white smile .... he is 10 months old.

Memorial Day

2008-05-26T15:13:00.000-07:00

Memorial Day, is a day of remembrance for those who have died in our nation's service. One day out of the year for the nation to get together to remember, reflect and honor those who have given their all in service to our country. To voluntarily and informally observe in your own way a Moment of remembrance and respect, pausing from whatever you are doing for a moment of silence or listening to Taps.

Word to Describe Me (May 21 - May 27)

2008-05-22T18:10:00.000-07:00

PANICED - Everyday that we get closer to sentencing, I get more and more nervous. Today I have been sorting through the final details and became absolutely sick. Fortunately, my mother-in-law was here and saved the day again by helping with the children so that I could regroup and gain my composure. I have continued to work on and finalize the details ... are we ready? No, we will never be ready, we will never be able to say all that she was to us, but to the extent possible, we are prepared. We are going camping for the weekend ... good so that I will be distracted, coming home Monday.

My Letter of Heartache to the Judge

2008-05-16T12:04:00.000-07:00

Okay so I was hesitant to post this because the emtion is so raw, but then I decided I wanted to be part of my record or journal ... so here it is. I have edited some of the context that I felt was too detailed. I will warn you that it is very sad .... kinda like the whole story, I guess.

To Whom It May Concern:
As you may imagine, this is a very difficult letter to write. My mind is racing and my heart is pounding. I want to do my mom justice by accurately and sufficiently describing who she was and how terrible life has been without her—the emotions run so deep, it seems impossible to articulate with only words. I will begin by telling you about her.

My mother learned many lessons in life that she used to refine herself and make herself better.
• She experienced the pain of loss at the young age of 7 when her mother died from cancer.
• She experienced the difficulties of blending families when her father remarried and she went from being an only child to having 3 sisters and 2 brothers.
• She experienced the heartache of divorce and single parenting.
• She endured the challenge of caring for a spouse with illness and watching him die before her eyes.
• She understood the difficulty of financially supporting a family.
• She experienced life as a widow and yet again as a single parent.
• She continued her education while working and tending to the needs of her children who were struggling from the loss of their father.
• She overcame the fear of Corporate America and went back to work in a business environment. • She worked her was up and excelled as a paralegal.
• She successfully raised 4 children.
• She had to fight for her life and overcame breast cancer.

Through those experiences, she developed a tolerance and compassion for others. She had genuine concern for others’ wellbeing and sought to make their life easier through random acts of kindness. All that met her said that they felt loved by her. That is because she did love them. Genuinely and sincerely, she sought to love all she came in contact with. This love made others feel like they were important, despite their shortcomings. She was someone who put effort into relating to everyone. She was without judgment and strived to lift others burdens. She was a woman of faith, integrity and honor. She was respectable and respected. She was generous with her time and her resources. I often marveled at her example of obedience and charity towards others and strive to follow her footsteps.

My relationship with my mother was the deepest emotional relationship in my life, with the greatest level of trust and acceptance. When my father passed away from illness in 1991, I was 13 years old. My mother was all I had left and I clung to her. She absorbed my hurt and my pain. When dad died, times were tough, but together we struggled through them and I quickly learned that with her I could overcome any of life’s difficulties. I had complete and total trust 1) that she would always be there to help me and 2) that I could confide in her with my deepest darkest pain and/or mistakes. She truly demonstrated unconditional love. There were times in my life that I did things that upset her or caused her to be disappointed with me. I was ashamed of myself and felt so unlovable. Yet despite her disappointment with my choices, she showed me love and helped me find my way through my mistakes. That love encouraged me to fight to overcome my challenges and become someone better. As a small child, my parents continuously taught me and my siblings that we were amazing, capable individuals. They emphasized to us that we could literally accomplish anything we put our minds to. These lessons continued throughout my life until I ultimately believed in myself. I had confidence that anything was attainable, because whether I succeed or failed, mom would love me anyway; her love was not conditional only to my successes. Through the difficulties of life, we became great friends. We enjoyed spending time together and I valued her opinion and judgment.

In the spring of 2006, my mother and I made some financial investments and separately purchased homes on the same street. We lived in a cul-de-sac, her house being across the street and 3 houses down from ours. My children absolutely adored their grandma and having her so close was very exciting. I have 4 children and I can remember early one Saturday morning I was up feeding my infant son when I could hear my two older sons (ages 3 & 2) talking to each other, muttering something about grandma’s house. I heard them talking as they were walking down the stairs then the sound kind of trailed off. Wondering what they were up to and knowing that silence was never a good sign, I got up, put down my infant son, and began a search for them that discovered the front door wide open with their blankets just lying on the floor. Totally panicked, I scream for my husband, ran outside and began frantically calling for them but they were no where to be found. So I ran inside the house grabbed the phone and called mom. When she answered, in my frazzled state, I questioned whether she had seen them, she calmly responded “Oh yes, they’re here, we are making breakfast.” What! I then explained that they did not have permission to leave, that they had snuck out and that they needed to come home immediately. To which, she responded, as only a grandma could, “Well, can they finish their eggs” …. I laughed and said no mom they are in big trouble they must come home right now. Reluctantly, she sent them home. Being so young, they really didn’t understand the harm, they just wanted to see their grandma. Because we lived so close to each other, we were blessed to see her everyday, if only briefly.

Life was safe until that December night when I received a phone call from my husband that forever changed me. I was at a Christmas program with my sister and some other friends and family. It was a tradition that we attended every year. Mom usually went as well, but this year she was tired and run down from all that she was doing so she decided not to attend. My husband was home with our children when he received a knock on the door from an officer that had come to deliver the news to my mother’s husband, Bruce. Confused and in shock, Bruce brought the officer to our house to explain to my husband what had happened. I received a call from him shortly thereafter in which he gently tried to explain to me that my mother had been killed! I was standing in the hallway of the auditorium screaming, “Please no! Please tell me it’s not true!” Each time my husband would respond with “I’m so sorry baby! I wish it weren’t!” Ultimately, I just collapsed to the floor, sobbing and crying out. The program ended and the halls were filled with people. It is so tremendously painful to recall the shock and horror of getting the devastating news. I then proceeded to deliver the news to my sister who was at the program with me. Unable to reach my brothers by phone, someone drove me to their homes where each time I had to share the heartbreaking news that our beloved mother had been killed.

Together we drove to the hospital and met my husband and Bruce. Although she had already passed, we were able to see her body and say goodbye. I still am unable to speak of this without totally breaking down…Emotionally, mentally and spiritually, I died that night with her. The months that have followed have consisted of unspeakable pain as I have tried to accept her death and figure how I am supposed to live without her. Physically, I have wanted to die 1) to escape the suffering and 2) to be with her. The sorrow and agony at the thought of living the remainder of my life without her is still unbearable. I do not know how to live without her. I have required so much help to care for me and the needs of my children. I am lost; the pain engulfs me. I can’t see through it or around it. I can’t eat or sleep; I have lost 20 pounds and am still losing. Most nights, I require medication to sleep; if I don’t take something, I frequently wake in the middle of the night and just sit and stare, desperately trying to gain some greater understanding, meaning or purpose that will help me accept this.

I am also mourning the loss of me. I am not the person I used to be without her. I am now under the care of a physician and a therapist and am on antidepressants. Everyday I fight despair. I have anxiety in groups. I am unable to socialize with friends. I have been unable to offer help or service to anyone in my family or community. I am a shell of the person I once was. The pain takes my breath away. Most times, I cry so uncontrollably I feel as though I am going to hyperventilate, so I hold my breath to try and gain my composure, while pleading with God for help. I am frequently told that “time will heal” but I disagree. Healing by definition means to get better, to return to health, to cure. I believe that time will just give me the opportunity to change and make the necessary adjustments to learn how to live without her. I will always ache for her in my life.

She was a silent source of strength in my life; her existence offered me security and comfort. Her continuous love charged me with confidence. She made me who I was. I didn’t worry about how I would cross the roads ahead because, if it became too difficult, I knew (from years of experience) that mom would be there at just the right moment to help carry the load or cheer me on. Her goodness somehow shielded me from the darkness and evils that exist in the world; she was my buffer. The earth was literally a better place because of her. She shared my greatest joys and my deepest sorrows. She attended the birth of every one of my children. When my youngest son, Ammon, was born, the side effects of the medication I was given caused my legs to feel restless. The only relief was when someone was rubbing them, so for 5 minutes my husband would rub them and then for 25 minutes my mother would rub them. This went on throughout my entire labor until I delivered. That’s how she was with everything. There was always safety with mom. Now safety as I previously knew it is gone and I must redefine where safety exists. It’s easy to say, well your spouse is safe, but really? Really? Because spouses leave, after years and years of marriage, some spouses decide they’re done and leave. If my spouse is unhappy with me or the life that he shares with me, he has the option of leaving; moms don’t leave, not my mom, even when or if I made her unhappy, she would never, never leave. So then, where is safety? Now I should say that I feel as though I have a great marriage with my spouse. That being said, the above still exists.

Already, there have been many milestones in my children’s lives that we did not get to share with her. My youngest Ammon, now 10 months old, is crawling and climbing the stairs. He has grown lots of curly hair. My 2 year old son, Jacob, has been potty trained! Noah, our oldest son (3 years old) has stopped sucking his thumb, which he has done since birth. And my oldest daughter, Lacey, turned 8 years old and was baptized. These are all moments that mom would have been a part of. The children have also felt this loss. My younger children do not understand the magnitude, they simply insist upon going to her house like they used to. It has been heartbreaking to try and explain to them that she is no longer there and is never coming home. Lacey is old enough to understand the concept of death and has struggled to understand why it had to be her grandma. She frequently spent time at mom’s house studying for spelling tests and/or watching Wheel of Fortune with her. As a mother, I don’t know how to comfort her, when I share all of the same questions. Watching my children struggle and suffer has also been so very difficult.

We, her family, seek some form of justice. This was so much more than a mistake or an accident. The defendant admitted, at the scene, that he had been drinking and would not have driven if his son was in the car. So, 1) he recognized that he was a danger and 2) he valued the life of his son but not the life of my mother. Even after he made the choice to drive, he had multiple opportunities to recognize the level of his intoxication and STOP! He forced numerous others off the road from head on collisions and was being followed by an eye witness that had called 911. Prior to hitting mom he had driven up and on the curb several times. My mother was defenseless. She was traveling through a construction zone and forced to travel on the opposite side of the street with only barricades dividing oncoming traffic. The defendant was traveling at a high rate of speed through the construction zone, on and off the curb when he slammed into her. Yes, her injuries were fatal. But it should also be noted that the trauma to her body was extensive! True justice would be for him to suffer how we have suffered so that he could truly understand the consequences of his reckless and careless choices. While I know that this true justice will not come in this life, I feel as though the maximum sentence of 14 years should be ordered.

Thank you for your time and compassion.
Solemnly,
Angel Kriser

Exciting Announcement

2008-05-15T22:25:00.000-07:00

The 10-acre site selected for the Gilbert Arizona Temple is located near the Loop 202 on the southeast corner of Greenfield Road and Pecos Road.

Help

2008-05-14T21:30:00.000-07:00

I told you this would be a place that I would try and articulate my needs .... here's what I'm feeling. There is much to be done to get ready for sentencing in 2 weeks, that in addition to my household responsibilies and my children have me a bit panicked. I don't multi-task like I used to and seem to only be able to focus on one at a time ...?!@ That being said, if you wanna take my boys to play that would be great! The park, my backyard ... really anything, they are bored and I am distracted.

Also, I'm feeling kinda lonely; sometimes I feel overwhelmed just because I am alone ... now I don't expect everyone to rush right over and hold my hand during everything ... but if you just wanna visit or hang out, ya know whatever.

Okay feeling kinda lame and vunerable with this post, kinda like "please be my friend" ... hopefully you won't judge me.

Word to Describe Me (May 14 - May 21)

2008-05-14T21:25:00.000-07:00

Pondering - Just been thinking a lot ... praying for an increased understanding of things. Pondering agency and eternal families. Trying to grasp the significance of ageny; Heavenly Father gives us our agency even though, by doing so, some of his children will inevitiably not return to him. Families are given power and strengthened through the sealing power. The more links, the stronger and more power that is given.

Newest Addition

2008-05-14T20:22:00.000-07:00

Okay so I got a wild hair and brought home a 5 week old kitten! Yeah, I know - what was I thinking? But she is seriously so cute. We named her "Tabby Kitty" ....

Noah and Tabby Kitty

Lacey got home from school first, so she found out before the boys. Tabby kitty was in the hamper in my closet. David sent Lacey up stairs to get something from the closet. When she opened the closet she found the kitty and started screaming with excitement.

We had her in the hamper, covered with a sheet and had the boys pull the sheet off. Noah jumped way back, Jacob was just kinda confused.

Sweet Memories

2008-05-14T20:21:00.000-07:00

All this kitty talk has made me remember how much I loved kittens when I was little. One time, a cat down the street had kittens and I wanted one soooooooooooo bad! I begged and pleaded to adopt one but my mom and dad said no. Then I had the brillant idea ... they don't have to know. I will take care of it and feed it in my room and then they would never know. Right? So I bring home a kitten and hide it in my room, in my toy box. Ultimately, (within a day) my wise and all knowing mother discovered my hidden kitty and made me take it back. For years I was stumped at how she found out! Then I realized, clue #1 in order to put the kitten in the toy box I would have had to "clean" it out. Which probably meant I threw all my toys on the floor. Clue #2, the kitten made lots of noise when it was locked inside a box! Clue #3, I never wanted to come out of my room.

I'm certain that mom is laughing and shaking her head at my "great idea" to bring home a kitten yesterday :) !

Preparing for Sentencing

2008-05-14T19:46:00.000-07:00

Well we are knee deep in our preparations for sentencing. We meet with a probation officer yesterday, who will complete a report and make a recommendation to the judge. Meeting went well, he indicated that based upon the evidence he had heard he felt comfortable recommending more than the presumptive of 10.5. So, in other words, he is going to recommend more than 10.5 years to the judge. Prior to the meeting, he asked for us to provide him with written statements. That was very difficult, but in the end a relief.

I was impressed with my husband's simple but sweet words. This is what he wrote:

My name is David H. Kriser. I am the husband to a wounded wife. I am the son of a dead mother. All this because of a drunk man. I would like to convey some of my feelings on these statements.

When I say wounded wife, I mean just that. I have had to watch my beautiful wife literally wither away. Her body has taken a devastating blow. She is weak and frail. Her eating habits have almost ceased. She does not sleep or rest really at all. These are all physical and can heal. What I fear the most and literally dread is the affect this has had on her soul. I wish I had the ability to describe my wife’s inner light. The woman I met, courted and fell deeply in love with is but a shell of her former glory. I truly do mean glory. Angel could light up a room with a smile as broad as any I have ever seen. I married a strong, confident woman; one with purpose and drive. Now she is a wounded shell of all that I knew. I am a husband to a wounded wife.

You did not have the pleasure of meeting Marge (who I affectionately referred to as Margie) Weeks, if you had you would not have been the same. I know myself and countless others could attest to that. I met Margie 6 years ago when her daughter and I started dating. I feel in love with two women at that time. I was almost instantly accepted and loved by this woman. I watched with adoration how Margie interacted with people. Her capacity to love and understand people amazed me. She could find good in all people. I watched her tenderly care for a husband who is slowly deteriorating in Alzheimer’s. The light of Christ was in Margie and shown through. I saw the Grandmother who came home from work tired and weak only to play with her grandbabies. Grandbabies who will more than likely not remember the Matriarch of their mother’s line. It was my honor and privilege to be called her son. I am the son of a dead mother.

I sit here to write this all because of a drunk man! A drunk man who did not start his day this way but ended Margie’s life that way. A sober man who decided because of no work on December 17, 2007, he and another man would consume 3 times the legal limit of alcohol, at least 20 miles from his home. A sober man who did not think beyond his own selfish desire or the safety of anyone around him, by not arranging transportation home. Why would he? He had his own vehicle to drive. Although by his own admission he would not have jeopardized the life of his child by putting him in the vehicle, but everyone else on the road was expendable. I don’t see how, as a father myself, anyone could set that kind of example for their child. It appears to me that this man is not suitable to be a father to a son. To teach him what he needs to be a strong, stable, discussion maker. So for the sake of his children, mine and possibly yours, please confine this man to the maximum of 14 years in a penitentiary. All this because a sober man felt he needed to be a drunk man. My name is David H. Kriser husband to a wounded wife, son of a dead mother, all because of a drunk man.

Mother's Day 2008

2008-05-14T19:39:00.000-07:00

Anticipating the difficulty of Mother's Day this year, my husband took me away to the mountains. My mother-in-law kept my kids (I know! Amazing!). We left Saturday morning and came home Sunday afternoon; short but sweet. There was something so tranquile about being in the moutains. It was great to be in nature with Heavenly Father's creations. Also so nice to have one on one time with David, one of my top ten comforts! As fas as the Mother's Day aspect of the day, it was fine because I simply didn't celebrate and/or expose myself to anyone who was... may sound negative but that's the only way I can deal. Whatever works right?

Camping in the Backyard

2008-05-14T19:34:00.000-07:00

Since the Father & Sons outing, my boys have had the camping "bug," so David set the tent up in the backyard for them to sleep in. (I only let them sleep out there till midnight, I couldn't sleep with them outside .....) Dad = Fun! Mom = Practical!

Personalized License Plate

2008-05-14T19:28:00.000-07:00

My husband surprised me with a personalized license plate. I got it in the mail 2 weeks ago, but I am just now taking the time to blog about it. It is a breast cancer awareness plate that says, "MY ANGL" ... he is so thoughtful.

In Honor of Mothers

2008-05-10T07:30:00.000-07:00

POSITION : Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Momma, Ma

JOB DESCRIPTION: Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES: The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT &PROMOTION: Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE : None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION: Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

YOU LAUGH BECAUSE IT IS SO TRUE!

Word to Describe Me (May 4 - May 11)

2008-05-08T21:06:00.000-07:00

Absent - I've checked out ... holding my breath until Mother's Day is over! Hopefully next week I will be more of a friendly blogger.

Letters

2008-05-05T23:59:00.000-07:00

ONLY 1 MORE WEEK!
Just a reminder. I know many of you probably received my email and thought to yourself "I am totally going to write a letter." Then 2 whole weeks flew by and you were unable to find the quiet time to articulate your feelings ... believe me I know how difficult it is to find that time but your efforts could make the difference so please make the time and share your feelings with the judge.

Much love and appreciation!
Angel

Request for Letters

2008-05-05T23:58:00.000-07:00

Well this morning we attended a "Change of Plea" hearing where the defendant plead guilty to 1 count of Manslaughter, a class 2 dangerous felony offense. In exchange for his guilty plea, he received a plea bargain of 7-14 years in prison. Sentencing has been scheduled for May 28th @ 9:30am. At that time, the judge will determine his sentence (anywhere between 7 - 14 years) based upon our representation of how this lost has impacted our lives. It is up to us to portray to the court who Marjorie H. Weeks was and how she impacted our lives. A few of us will be selected to actually address the judge and tell our stories. We are also requesting that the witness who followed the defendant while on the phone with 911 attend and address the court. A slideshow of pictures portraying sweet memories will also be presented for the judge to review.
Since time and space is limited, the judge will also be accepting letters from friends and family, which describe what I stated above. If you feel so inclinded, will you please prepare a letter which describes the relationship you had with mom, the type of person you believed her to be and the affect this lose has had on your life. We need to have these to the judge no later than 1 week before sentencing so we are asking to receive them by May 14th. If you are not able to write a letter but want to email me your response that would be approriate as well. Letters can be sent to me at 34350 N Channi Trl, Queen Creek, AZ 85243 and/or ldsmom@cox.net
We only have 3 weeks to "spread the word" and collect these letters so please pass this email on to anyone and everyone who had a relationship with mom and might like to participate. My email list is limited.
With deepest appreciation we thank you for your love and support. The Family of Marge Weeks

Life Without Worry

2008-05-04T00:55:00.000-07:00

Things I Am Praying For

2008-05-04T00:50:00.000-07:00

- A rememberance of my premortal exsistence
- A glimpse into eternity to see my mom & dad, grandma & grandpa (from both sides) and uncles who have passed
- Mental & Emotional Health for my brother
- A soft heart
- Physical, Spiritual & Emotional Strength for my sister
- Efficiency & Organization for David @ work
- To be worthy of the comfort & direction of the Holy Ghost
- Strength & Endurance for David to carry his heavy load
- That Bruce will feel security, safety & Love
- Sweet Dreams
- That I will know what to do to learn how to cope with life without mom
- That Heavenly Father will "right the wrongs" that have occurred from this tragedy

2008-05-03T07:19:00.000-07:00

"PAIN ACCELERATES LEARNING!" IF THIS IS TRUE, I THINK I'M GOING TO BE A GENIUS?!

DISCLAIMER

2008-04-29T23:58:00.000-07:00

This blog is likely to cause sad, sorrowful, unhappy and/or gloomy feelings. It is probable that said feelings can result in crying, lamenting, weeping, depression and various other expressions of grief. Kriser Family Inc., hereafter referred to as (blogger) is not responsible for above referenced feelings and/or the said results of aforementioned feelings. This disclaimer serves as a full and complete release of bloggers’ liability to give notice of potentially ruining your day by visiting this blog. Other symptoms may include, but are not limited to, bloating, weight gain, frequent urination, acne, bad breathe, cold sores, increased mucus, body odor AND an extra toe. If you are experience any of these symptoms you should consult a physician IMMEDIATELY because that just ain’t right!

Preface

2008-04-29T23:55:00.000-07:00

December 17, 2007, life as I previously enjoyed abruptly ended, when my sweet mother and dearest friend’s mortal life was prematurely ended. She was driving home from work, when she was hit head on by a drunk driver. The driver was an uninsured illegal immigrant, who was driving so erratically that he forced 5 others off the road prior to hitting mom and was being followed by a witness that was on the phone with 911, reporting his deadly driving. That eye witness then watched the accident occur.

The details and manner of her dead are totally and completely traumatizing to me. I still don’t believe that I have accepted it entirely. Since that time, I have felt like I am dying a slow and miserable death. It literally hurts so bad I often want to die; 1) to be with her and 2) to escape the suffering. The sorrow and agony at the thought of living the remainder of my mission here on this earth without her is still unbearable! I do not know how to live without her. I am still wishing for her to come back. Despite my depression and deep despair, I am still the mother of 4 very needy children, so each day I do my best to press on and fulfill their needs.

I have been surrounded by many, many, many loving hearts that have reached out and offered a hand in my time of need. I have gratitude for all of the hours of service offered and the numerous prayers on our behalf.

At this time, I am still not able to articulate needs or give a summarized answer to the greeting “How are you?” “I am a mess!” just sounds too heavy for the casual question. So here I will do my best to 1) honestly express my feelings so that you can judge how I am 2) state any wishes, “it would be nice if” and/or needs and 3) hopefully find healing through the journaling process.

Word to Describe Me (Apr 27 - May 4)

2008-04-29T23:30:00.000-07:00

NUMB - Sometimes the hurt is so bad that it progresses past pain and just turns into numbness. That is how I feel this week, I am just trying to process and decide where to start again. Just holding on, hangin by my finger tips hoping that a light breeze doesn't come through and knock me off. Meds help control the extreme lows, but don't prevent the hurt. Without meds I wouldn't be able to get out of bed this week. Wondering when everyone will stop caring about whether I am still suffering? Feel like I will just always ache inside.

Stomach Flu

2008-04-29T23:22:00.000-07:00

It's never good when you have sick little ones, but the stomach flu just tops them all in my opinion. Well, this week Ammon and Jacob have been hit with the bug. Poor babies ... Jacob has been the worst. I woke up early Sunday morning to him throwing up in my bed (never a good thing to wake up to). He proceeded with vomiting and diarrhea for the entire day. He was unable to keep down even a tsp of fluid. I tried everything I could think of water, Gatorade, popsicles, sprite ... he was so miserable. Thank goodness for modern technology because the washing machine didn't stop the whole day. By about 3pm (9 hours of illness) I began to notice his eyes and color changing. His eyes were sunken in with dark circles around them and his skin was so pale it was grayish, so I asked David to give him a blessing. He called Bro. Davis and together they blessed him to get better ... that satisfied my worry for about 2 more hours before I noticed his condition deteriorating more. So I asked David how he felt when he gave the blessings and he responded he was just waiting for me to say it was time to take him to the doctor. I phoned the pediatrician who sent us off to the ER for IV hydration.

At the hospital, he was first treated with medication (Zofran) to try and stop the vomiting. Fortunately, it worked and within 30 minutes he was able to keep down water and then Sprite. A little fluid in him and he perked right up. We were discharged with a prescription. He has continued to be ill but has been able to keep down fluids.

Thank you Heavenly Father for this tender mercy!

Sleepless Nights

2008-04-29T23:15:00.000-07:00

I have weeks that I am unable to sleep without some type of sleep aid. Since I have taken something every night for the past several nights, tonight I tried not to. First I read for 2 hours then turned out the lights and laid in the dark. Ultimately, I began to cry ... the pain takes my breath away. I found myself crying so uncontrollable that I felt like I was hyperventilating so I would hold my breath and try to regain my composure...pleading with Heavenly Father for help. As I try to define the pain, it’s not just the absence of Mom's relationship in my life … I am also mourning the loss of me. I am so different now; it is the need to now identify who I am without her. I am not the same. She was a silence source of strength in my life; her existence offered me security and comfort. Her continuous love charged me with confidence because it was okay to try and fail; her love was not conditioned to just when I succeeded. I didn’t worry about how I would cross the roads ahead because if it became too difficult I knew (from years of experiences) that mom would be there at just the right moment to help carry the load or cheer me on. Her goodness somehow shielded me from the darkness of the world; she was my buffer. Now the world, the evils of the world, the darkness all around us, feels like the earth is such a horrible place to be without her. There was always safety with Mom, now safety as I previously knew it is gone and I must define where safety exists now. It’s easy to say; well your spouse is safe but really? Really? Because spouses leave, after years and years of marriage some spouses decide they’re done and leave. If my spouse is unhappy with me or his life with me, he has the option of leaving; moms don’t leave, not my mom, even when or if I made her unhappy, she would never never leave. So then is there no safety? Now I should say that I feel as though I have a great marriage with my spouse. We are still very much in love and work together to make our marriage a success … that being said, the above still exists. As I have reflected on these feelings that I have for my mother, I have become more aware of the significance of the relationships that I am building with my children. I observe how during the day when one of them gets hurt, they come running to me crying; they come to me because I have created the trust with them that I care and will listen. Once I have listened to the reason for their pain and consoled them with a hug, kiss or sometimes even just an “I’m sorry that happened” they are off and able to move on … that’s what I miss. I don’t know what you call it, but that’s what I am mourning the loss of. I still have some much life to live and so much difficulty yet to face … how do I do it without that mother’s love? I now hate the expression “time heals all wounds” because I do not believe that "healing" ever occurs. Healing by definition means: 1. To restore to health or soundness; to cure. 2. To set right; repair. 3. To restore (a person) to spiritual wholeness. To become whole and sound; return to health. Healing means to get better. I’m not going to get better, I’m going to change and time just gives me the opportunity to make the adjustments necessary to accept and learn how to live without her. I am comforted by the scriptures. I read in D&C 109:76 tonight "That our garments may be pure, that we may be clothed upon with robes of righteousness, with palms in our hands, and crowns of glory upon our heads, and reap eternal joy for all our sufferings." That sounds cool, but it's not today ... not tonight, so how do I find the strength to hold on and pass the time?

Tender Mercies

2008-04-27T00:49:00.000-07:00

1. Family Pictures 2 days before mom died. I cherish these photos, they capture her just as I remember.2. Bond of love w/ increased compassion w/ my spouse. David has showm me so much love and put so much effort into comforting me. Feels like we have grown closer in only a few months which otherwise whould have taken years!3. Ammon, my baby who I wasn't sure I was ready to bring into the world when he came, has forced myself not to make any rash decisions while I was engulfed in pain. He needed me, innocence and pure love .... no discipline.4. Mom & I got to be neighbors for a year and a half. It was so perfect! Gave an opportunity for mom & David's relationship to develp and grow. Mom loved and appreciated him and he had great respect and adoration for her. Also, her bond w/ our children grew. We got to see each other frequently.5. Ongoing contention and bitterness with Lacey's dad seised after mom died.6. Bonds with my siblings have increased and become a great comfort.7. New tenderness and love for Bruce has evolved. We always accepted and respected him but now we love him.8. Defendant was trapped in his vehicle; could not flee the scene and is being prosecuted for his crime.

Word to Describe Me (Apr 20 - Apr 26)

2008-04-22T22:45:00.000-07:00

SHAKEN - The weekends events have sent me spinning. It has stirred up inside so much of the storm that had been calmed. All of my senses feel heightened. I feel so many different emotions; sadness, anger, frustration, irritation, disbelief, shock, numbness; I'm not sure what to focus on or where to begin to regain any calmness. It won't be a week that I accomplish very much, just passing time.

Neighborhood Disturbance

2008-04-22T22:40:00.000-07:00

Oh my, my, my! Where do I begin? Friday afternoon I come home and find Bruce with 2 of his sons loading mom’s entire house onto a trailer… couches, chairs, tables, appliances, piano. None of them discussed any of this with us (moms children) they just assumed entitlement and began loading up. Initially, I hesitated, not sure if they were loading up everything or just stuff from the garage??? Then I saw that they had her piano and rocking chairs on the trailer. As calmly as possible I marched across the street and expressed to Bruce that there were some items being loaded on the trailer that had sentimental value of mom's that we wanted. Bruce wiped his brow exasperated. I could tell that he was not the one in control; his boys were running this show. I then expressed this same thing to his sons who responded with if I had a problem to call the police. At this point, my husband is racing (literally) home from Mesa to stop them and has us park our truck in front of theirs so that they are unable to leave. Realizing that they have no legal right to be doing what they are doing and seeing their determination and entitlement, I agree that calling the police is the best thing to do. Ultimately, the police and several other family and families (backup that I had called) show up and they are ordered to unload the trailer. This whole scene combined with their freaking attitudes brought out "hysteria-woman" in me. Let's just say, I did not control my emotions well and exploded in anger and rage at them.
Here's the best part, Saturday morning my siblings and I, with Bruce, went over to the house WITHOUT his boys and amiciably sorted through everything. :)

Up, Up, Up

2008-04-22T22:30:00.000-07:00

Much to my dismay, “Little Guy” is climbing the stairs. His dad actually sat and taught him how one night this week … why would he do that? He has advanced in his mobility, now he really has me on my toes... But he is SUPER CUTE!

Rub-A-Dub-Dub 4 Boy's In A Tub

2008-04-22T22:29:00.000-07:00

I had my brother's little boy, Zackary, yesterday (4/21) .... 4 little boys, 3 & under! Great fun! They just look intimidating ..... all in all it was a good day just didn't do anything else.

Nicknames

2008-04-22T22:20:00.000-07:00

At our house, David has given everyone a nickname … sometimes more than 1. (David really does this with everybody!) He is very playful, so our children respond to any of the following:

NOAH HYRUM KRISER - Noah the Nasty Ninja, No-Nack, No-haha

AMMON JAMES KRISER - Affectionately known as Little Boy or Little Guy

JACOB AARON KRISER – Jake the Snake, Jak-Jak, JACK, Jac-Up

LACEY CHRISTINE HEMP – Lacey Lou hou, Lacey the Loving Ladybug (okay so Lacey and I made that one up) and Lacey Bird the Monkey Tird

Battle of Words

2008-04-22T21:37:00.000-07:00

Okay so since Friday's events I received a 3 page email from Bruce's son full of all kinds of nice things ?.?.?.? after reading it I decided to big the bigger person and not even respond. That worked for about 24 hours until I stewed and stewed over it and finally sat down and wrote a response. It was therapy.... then, I delayed another 24 hours while I contemptated whether to actually send it. In the end, I did and I have to say that I'm not proud of the fact that I couldn't just bite my tongue, turn the other cheek or be the adult. I am posting the emails so that you can understand the intensity of the emtions and crap we are dealing with ... warning the following is full of drama, proceed if so desired.

THE SON WRITES:
James/Penney/Joe/Angle
I have a long laundry list of items here for you to review. I give this list so that all of you will know why I try my best not to interact with you. 1: Where I come from we don't make a big deal about financial maters during the week that our mother has died. For example I would not go to her place of work and looking for financial documents within 24 hours of death. I am sorry but I find this in very distasteful. 2: If my mother had died I would not take her husband around town, before the funeral telling him he needs to liquidate assets. It is a very tough time for the spouse and Financial matters should not be on the top of the list during the week of the death. The only one that I saw from your side of the family that made any real financial comment was maybe James. For what it is worth you are the only one of the four that I have any respect for. Unfortunately Dad still remembers you telling him "do you have enough money to pay for all of this" when you > saw his bills. I think that you did not mean any harm by it, but Dad still brings it up every time I mention your name. With as short as his memory is I would have thought he forgotten by now. 3: I and Aaron have power of attorney for my father. This is authority was give to us by Marge. Marge knew Dad would need to have financial, medical, and other help if she died. She did not give this authority to Angle. Please respect your Mother's wishes and stop having him sign legally binding documents without our knowledge. 4: You all are very well aware of Bruce's sickness. Based on Medical records either Penney or Angle use to take him to the doctor visits. It has continued to get worse since he was first diagnosed. Even with this knowledge some of you still continue to get him to sign documents without fair representation. For example you had him sign the Legal document that made Angle the personal representative of Marge's estate. You had him sign a document with a realtor without representation. Which lead to more items on my list. 5: I want to see that my Dad gets every dime he can get. He needs it. He has a sickness that will be very costly as time progresses. You are all adults and can take care of yourselves. One of you related a story to me of how Marge had to get a bunch of debts reversed because Dad was tricked by people into buying items that were not needed. I personally think that if Marge put money in separate accounts she did it so that it would be safe. Marge was the type of person that would do what is best for her sick husband. I am vaguely aware of the state law and Step children and estate settlement so please spare me the detail why you feel that you deserve the estate. I am not doubting that you will receive settlement. Why the big secretive nature about what you are doing? Maybe even you don't feel good about what you are doing? Please don't tell me you have not been trying to hide what you are doing. You did not even have the decency to delivery him the documents. Maybe if you would have given him the document that said Angle presence is necessary before removing stuff from the estate then there would not have been a need for yesterdays problems. 6: Marge wrote a will for my father that said if he died that she would get everything. I think that that is the way it is suppose to be. If you want to see the will you are welcome. My father keeps telling me "When the husband dies the wife gets everything, when the wife dies the husband gets everything. I believe Marge believed this as well. Of course I remind him of the state law. It is obviously that that is all you are interested in. 7: Knowing that Dad has Alzheimer why would you go in and yell at him like you did Angle? Aaron and I were out in the drive way for you to vent on. There was no need for that. David had no problem telling me what he thought of me. At least he tells me to my face now. Two years ago when I, and others, were over helping Marge and Dad move to Queen Creek he was telling my Dad he want to beat me up or some crap. What kind of childishness is that? 8: The house. Angle wants to act like the house belongs to her. Great please pay dad for the house payments. It cost him more than what he makes in Social security each month. My goodness you had the place listed 180000 dollars. Market analysis shows that everything in that neighborhood, that has sold for the last several months is sold for and average of $79 per square foot. If I were clairvoyant and saw that the housing market was going to go up in several months then I would see want can be done to save the house. Since I'm not I am helping Dad to sell it. David calls me up and leaves a message about how he want to take over the payment. Are you Stupid? Maybe I am wrong but I think my father owes $147000? You have any knowledge of the short sale? Make an offer and you can probably buy the place for $125000 if the bank accepts. I am doing you a favor by not letting you make a financial blunder. If Marge made another lump sum payment right as she died and there is less owed than this please let Dad know in writing. By the way you can't write off a loss on your personal residence (I don't think). Even if you could you don't need tax write offs when all you are making is social security. By the way Dad needs to eliminate dept. So why would you take a 69 year old man over to see a 2 story condo? So he can shift his dept from one property to another? How does that make sense? 9: Would it be to much to ask for you all to put in writing what you want to tell Dad? Don't you think that with Dad's current conditions when you tell him verbal stuff that he just forgets shortly? Maybe it is because you wouldn't want scum bag Doran to know about it? Or maybe you are trying to hide something? Enough with this list of items. I could go on for days. Now to the most important item. I spoke with Dad. Though it pains him greatly he > realizes that letting all of you to go through and take the items that were owned by He and Marge he realizes it is the simplest course. You all had no problem doing that over the past few months any how. I thought you were all through by now. Angle admitted to having items in her garage Any how here is a possible list of conditions for coming and taking stuff and it needs to be done soon. The house payment is killing him money and stress wise. 1: Dad wants the bed room sent in the master bed room. This was owned by his closest brother Frances and sister-in-law Joan prior to Marge and Dad owning it. 2: Dad needs the appliances. Please let him have these. 4: Don't remove anything from the office room. Dad is sensitive about the office. 5: Dad likes the brown recliners that were in the living area, and the table and chairs dining sets, but of course I am sure you all need it more than him so this can be discussed. 6: Please consider for every item that you want you also have to take at least one undesirable item? For example you want the two blue chairs fine take the TV cabinets with it. You like the Piano take the big glass door cabinet cabinet in the living room. If it means anything Dad would like one of Penney's kids to have the Piano. Also please be open to removing such items as the 55 gallon drums of water. I feel that at least some of the junk in the house was Marge's as well as Dad's. 7: On the day of the item sorting please bring a way to remove the items on that day. If necessary put it into Angle's garage. I already picked some of this stuff once and Angle and the David asked the police to have us unload all of it. So please this time all of you be prepared to move the items form the property. If the bank take over the house before the items are removed I have no idea what will happen to them at that point. 8: I want to minimize any of the needing to speak with David or Angle or being spoken to by them. Please have James and/or Penny do the talking. Let's just agree to hate each other and let Marge's eldest children do the talking if needed. 9: I spoke with the office yesterday, and he said that the Sheriff can send out a standby. I would feel most comfortable if we do this. I think they only work week days. I want Dad protected against any one saying that he took stuff that was not his to take. If there are other suggestions please let me know. Maybe the local Bishop? Whoever the mediator is lets try and do the talking through that person so that angry feelings are kept at bay. I will try and show you this respect so please try and show the same respect. Dad has had us change the locks on the doors. Please don't enter the house without him or one of his sons present. He makes the payment, please respect his ownership. If you feel the urge to feel like you own the place, like you told the offices today, and as you have done by removing items without Dad present, then please send the monthly house payment to Dad. Further more we have no plans to remove items until the day is chosen to meet with all of you and the Sheriff standby. I have a job and have no need to steal items that I can purchase with my own money.

MY RESPONSE:
It’s interesting that you can translate to me what you would or would not do if your mother died. The reality is that your mother hasn’t died, but mine did, so don’t begin to tell me how you feel it is appropriate for me to respond. You really have no clue!
This is evidenced by your statements that financial matters should not be a concern during the first week after your mother’s death. The first thing to take place was a funeral, a $10,000 expense. Is that not a financial matter? No one ever told Bruce to liquidate his assets? I had knowledge that in 2003, when my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, she purchased and planned her funeral so that it wasn’t something we had to do. Now where you may have the opinion that it is “distasteful” to look for that type of “financial” paperwork immediately after her death we felt it to be necessary. When the preplanned funeral paperwork was located and found to be expired, we felt it prudent to further the search for additional information and documentation.
Your only emotion has been one of distrust and questioning. From day one you were contacted with every detail of information that was obtained, including potential insurance settlements. You have created an obstacle at every pass; because you feel that we are distasteful, dishonesty and untrustworthy I am sure. The reality is that nothing we do or would have done will change that opinion that comes from within, it represents the person that you are and the character you have. You don’t look at the hours of time that has been spent with your dad in trying to help him; you look at it and say how could you let him do that without “fair” representation? Two perspectives, two very different points of view.
While yes, your father is sick, he is not mute. He still has a voice, an opinion and feelings. Your perspective is that nothing he says now matters, only the way you see it fits. My approach is a little different, I actually talk to him about how he feels and what he would like to see happen. Then exercise caution to make sure his choices or feelings won’t cause him future harm. You talk at him, I talk to him. It’s clear that to you, your way is always best. And yes, your dad continually spoke of “horse trading” and wanting to trade his Queen Creek house for a property in Mesa. So a deal that would buy his Queen Creek house for $180,000, giving him his equity of $30,000+, and transferring that debt to a Mesa property that he could then sell or rent seemed like something to consider. At least he would then have his equity right? If desired you could then just short sale the Mesa house …. Stupid, I know! Your way is clearly better for your dad. Please spare us your favors, David’s message stated that rather than have Bruce give the house away and/or take a lose, etc. We would be willing to accept his liability in the house and give him whatever potential benefit you anticipated he would receive, i.e. a tax break. Again, you are smarter and all knowing, so do it your way instead.
It is clear that your only concern has been to see that your father receives every dime that he can. And that’s okay, he will. The laws are in place to determine that. It’s not open for opinions or negotiations and it is our desire that Bruce be well cared for. It is also very evident that it is your opinion that if the mom dies the dad gets everything. Don’t cop out and try to make those your father’s words, he has never treated us that way, only you have! It’s just “obvious” remember. AND if the children were children from both the mother and the father then yes, everything the mother had would go to the father; then when the father died it would go to the children. That is not our circumstance. For us, our father already died and left everything to our mother; who has now passed and you feel that everything should go to your father and then ultimately to you? Come on, I will echo your previous statement, “Are you stupid?” Still through all this you see no justification for all the emotion!?! AMAZING!
The fact that you even began to try and tell me what my mother’s wishes are regarding her estate is comical! You should not, it’s just embarrassing! My relationship and what I shared with my mother is closer than any relationship that exists in your life, perhaps that explains your coldness!?
Nothing I am doing is secretive. Quite the contrary, it is fully documented and monitored by the court. I laugh that you challenge my decency, when you without contact, thought or consideration for anyone else proceed to go to their home and load all of the furniture onto a trailer. Then when it is expressed to you that there are some items of personal sentimental value that we wanted on the trailer, you refused to speak of it and YOU suggested we call the police. Furthermore, when Bruce coobirated and said remove the items from the trailer, he was incompetent and we were talking him out of the house. But he was competent enough to give you specific direction to load everything on to the trailer. Do you even hear your contradictions? This was your fight, not Bruce’s.
I think it is great that your money will buy you what you want, but my money won’t buy my mother back so her possessions and my memories are the only thing I have; forgive me for getting a bit upset at your inconsideration.
Again you created a road block where there didn’t need to be one. It was Bruce’s desire to go to the home and amicable sort through and load up the furniture. This was done, there was no fighting or disrespect, there never is until you surface. I’m sure that’s just because we’re being sneaky and robbing him, right?
Previously, we have cleaned the home and removed the most personal of her processions; with the full consent and knowledge of Bruce. He was even invited to come along and declined. Nothing was sneaky and if you feel that there is something he was cheated out of, you let James know. But from Bruce’s mouth he had (and still does not have) a problem. We prepared the house for the market, which included yard maintance; removing and replanting plants and trees so that Bruce would have every possible benefit in his chances of selling the home. How selfish or was it just “stupid” to attempt to help him? Your efforts to that point weren’t much to speak of.
Again you are missing a link, yes we are all adults capable, able and supporting ourselves. Mother’s estate was everything she worked her life to create and what our father worked his life to give to our mother. It is also settlement for her life being taken by the negligence of another that has caused us her children great suffering as well as Bruce (not only Bruce) he is sympathetic to this you are not.
Your opinions regarding me are irrelevant but yes any future communication can be done with James. He can be reached at 480-703-5550 and/or james@trademarkdoorandtrim.com